Wanderlust & Aspirations

The audacity

2011-06-25T14:11:00.003-04:00

I'm trying to become an audacious writer. Sometimes I think that it takes some sort of massive ego and a dash or audacity to even think that anyone will care what I have to say. Most days I feel that my humble view and opinions from my vantage point are not particularly insightful. Aaahhhh yes, grad school really HAS beaten me down after all hasn't it!! Too many writing projects and not enough time to actually complete a single one of them---or enough focus right now. I don't have the time to get into it now, as my head is currently filling with ideas for all of my kids books, my screenplay, my qualifying exams, my funding proposal revisions, and naturally my dissertation too. My advisor likes to say that you are never as productive as when you have too much to do. Let's hope he's right. Continuing to try to be as audacious as I am ambitious! :-)

The BEST

2011-02-20T20:38:00.003-05:00

Tonight while tucking Annika in, Andy and I were in bed with her cuddling when she said the most adorable thing. She grabbed both of our hands and with a giant smile on her face said, "Best, Family, Ever." It made me cry. I totally agree!
She's at the most adorable age right now, though she does have an amazing capacity to make me insane at times. She just says the sweetest things that make my heart melt. I love that kid!
She's definitely at the age of #305 on 1000 Awesome Things, and I hope she doesn't grow out of it.
We're just trying to enjoy it all we can for now, because the one thing we have learned so far as parents is that it is all just a phase. Sometimes that's a good thing, but in this case I will be a little sad when it passes. I <3>
(P.S. I wrote it in yellow b/c that was Annika's favorite color this week!)

Stuck

2011-02-12T11:04:00.002-05:00

I feel stuck.

Stuck inside waiting with a severe case of cabin fever for this cccold to thaw the world & make it bearable again.

Stuck in a sad state of waiting for funding proposals to be reviewed and hopefully not all rejected.

Stuck with 2 sick kids & unable to go on fun outings because of severely runny noses and risks of spreading the contagious phlegm.

Stuck at home unable to work on anything productive other than the never ending pile of laundry and what's for dinner tonight. Yes, I do know that these are productive things, but I also know that I do not feel like I'm making any progress on my academic work because by the time my 7am-7pm kid shift is over, I hardly feel like attempting to engage in anything other than some light knitting or television watching. This is well trodden ground that I'm finding here, but that is little consolation when you have lofty goals of acquiring a PhD after your name and no feasible way to actualize it without ruining something in the process: your children, your marriage, your sanity...

According to Newton's 1st law, I need some sort of external force to act on me to move me so that I can begin my forward motion. I hate to think that my beautiful daughters or my fantastic husband were the external things that caused me some friction to slow my forward motion of progress on my degree, alas, I don't think it's actually that simple. I must admit my own short-comings and self-doubt have played a very large part in the slowing down of my ambitiousness.

The seemingly constant brutality that is this part of graduate school is NOT good for anyone with self-esteem issues, and I sincerely wish I could have the confidence necessary to push through this soul-crushing experience right now.

Of course, the truth is that I'm not really stuck. This is a very temporary part of school that I'm trying to wait out. I have several funding applications that I'm still waiting to hear back about, and the answers to those WILL be the impetuses I need to push me in one direction or another. Naturally, I have a super secret card up my sleeve for Plan B, but I'm hoping I get to do Plan A which is finish my PhD in a linear fashion by leaving by the end of this year to go to Berlin to do my research. We also have a plan C which makes me want to cringe, but I'm hoping that will not have to be put into action.

A very nice woman came up to me recently at a play room session at the Heights Parents Center and the first words she said to me were, "You know it gets easier right? You're just really in the thick of it." She was referring to my children of course (who are now 2 & 1/2 and 7 months), but I like to think she was referring to my whole life. I console myself regularly with the thought that when my children are grown and gone, I will look back fondly at this time in our lives and cherish it. I keep trying to see the big picture and trying to take the long view, but it so often gets buried beneath the everyday tasks that cloud my vision.

If indeed, "Life leaps like a geyser for those who drill through the rock of inertia," then I will keep drilling and hope for the arrival of a bulldozer soon.

Funny girl!

2010-09-27T15:06:00.002-04:00

This afternoon while cuddling with Annika on the couch, we had this exchange:
Annika: I'm checking your bum Mama.
Me: Oh really? What for?
Annika: (very matter of fact) ummm...for lizards.
Me: OK?
Annika: Oooh! I found one!
I promptly began laughing until I cried.
Such a funny girl that one. Where does she come up with this stuff?
:-)

Mompetitors!

2010-09-23T21:50:00.003-04:00

Hilarious & totally sad but true about waaaay too many moms. You know who you are!!

Mooo?

2010-07-21T21:15:00.002-04:00

Today while breastfeeding Mayzie, Annika was trying to get my attention. When I turned to look at her, she was holding a miniature plush cow. She squeezed it and it belted out "moooo" and I couldn't have agreed more. I am gushing soo much milk that Mayzie can't eat it fast enough. She doesn't even really have to latch on at all. She could just lay with her mouth open underneath me and let the milk faucet drip into her mouth until she's full. Soo that tiny cow knew exactly how I was feeling right at that moment. Yes, I'm appreciative of having plenty of milk to nourish my adorable little newborn. I'm even happy that I'm able to pump some extra every day so that we can have some date nights banked with that little liquid gold in the freezer. I think I am just learning to have a whole new respect for those dairy cows.

On a much different note: I will try to post Mayzie's birth story soon.
:-)

If Science Worked Like Religion

2010-05-10T21:24:00.001-04:00

I find the comparison to be interesting, though I can guess the predictable response from the other side.

In need of a little inspiration...

2010-05-01T13:54:00.003-04:00

I've been so busy treading water that I feel like I haven't really made any forward motion. That said, I also know that this sentiment is at least partially fueled by graduate student guilt at not accomplishing the too lofty goals that I set for myself sometimes. I've been very focused when it came to teaching my class in the Fall or writing policy briefs for my job or even spending quality time with my family, but not so focused on making progress in my studies. I'm trying to remedy that now.

Of course, as I sit here almost 7 months pregnant, focus is becoming more and more of a commodity that I can't quite grasp. So I started making lists & trying to get more organized. Yes, I do still have piles of papers that need to be filed and much much more, but I'm learning to let those go a little more. I am trying to appreciate what I have more and not concentrate so hard on what I don't have and wish I did. Most importantly, I'm going to finish this PhD or at least try as hard as I can to! I have been debating about what I want to do with the rest of my life and how I am going to look back on this time 20 years from now, and I keep coming to the conclusion that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. It doesn't matter exactly what I'll be doing after all this ends, but it DOES matter how I see myself in the future. For my own future sanity and self-esteem, I must finish! I also feel like too many people are at least emotionally invested in my finishing (my husband, parents, friends, etc) AND I want to set a good example for my daughters! (Nothing makes you want to be a better woman than having two little girls to look up to you and emulate you, whether you want them to or not!!)

So I've brainstormed a few things that inspire me, and here's the short list I came up with:

1. GIANT beautiful things--Nothing like realizing how small and insignificant we are to inspire you to a little greatness right?

2. Passionate & Intelligent People--Famous & non-famous alike, I'd like to emulate at least some of these people!

3. Thoughtful Parents--I LOVE this blog & both of Dale McGowan's edited volumes about raising caring ethical kids without religion!

4. Anthropologists. Of course I'm inspired by my colleagues! How could I not be? We are an inspirational bunch. This is the primary reason I like to go to conferences to get refueled in my inspiration for my field!

Now, hopefully I can hammer out the rest of this paper this weekend & feel at least a minor sense of accomplishment. Bird by bird---that's what I keep telling myself!
:-)

Spring has sprung in Cleveland!

2010-03-30T15:57:00.000-04:00

Frühling

Die Wälder und Felder grünen,
es trillert die Lerch in der Luft,
Der Frühling ist erschienen
mit Lichtern und Farben und Duft.

Heinrich Heine
(1797 – 1856)

Oh Gerard...you're so dreamy...& funny too

2009-10-20T11:04:00.001-04:00

I loved that you can see him reading Seth's lines too sometimes.

Had to post a link!

2009-10-19T11:44:00.003-04:00

I LOVE reading about idiotic people. The Darwin Awards are always good for a laugh.
I read this today and just HAVE to post a link to the Friendly Atheist's post about Cherry Picking. It reminded me of a song in Prop 8 the musical when Jesus (Jack Black) sings about what the bible says is an abomination. Sooo funny!!

2 moments.

2009-10-15T15:01:00.002-04:00

Sometimes very brief moments stay with you, these were 2 that I witnessed in the last week that really made me laugh.

1. I was driving to my teaching gig very early one morning. It just started to still be dark when I leave, and sometimes the mornings are really cold now. While driving down a very dilapidated street, I saw a man standing under a streetlight smoking a cigarette. It was 7:25am, and I usually see groups of small children with backpacks as big as they are skipping and chatting as they go up the hill to their school at the top, so this man definitely caught my eye as being out of the ordinary for my morning drive scenery. When I first saw him, I thought that he had no shirt on at all. Upon closer inspection, his leather jacket matched his skin so closely that I could not actually tell where it stopped and his hands begun as I drove by. I also noticed that he wasn't actually smoking, rather it is now so cold in the morning that I was just seeing his breath. I really wished I had a camera at that very moment!!

2. Today while working in one of my favorite spots (a busy cafe at lunchtime in Cleveland Heights), I spotted a dad sitting with his daughter who happened to be seemingly around the same age as Annika. The mother/wife brought the food & drinks over to the table and promptly left to go to the bathroom. The father proceeded to give the child several spoonfuls of his soda all the while peering at the ladies room door to make sure his wife didn't come and find him out. He had this look of knowing he was doing something he wasn't "supposed to" & trying to get away with it. It was adorable, and I totally imagined Andy doing the EXACT same thing.

Moments like these the ones that brighten my day. I really try not to forget them, but I know a million of them happen every day, pass through my mind, and are gone. At least these 2 are now documented.
:-)

“Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.”--Buddha

2009-09-21T13:58:00.003-04:00

There is just something about the official change of seasons & the passing of the equinox that makes more aware of the ever quickening pace of time, if only in my mind. Tomorrow is actually the equinox, but Fall is already in the air (despite the temperatures lingering in the 70s). Maybe it is the progress of the school year or the ever increasing pile of papers that need attention on my desk. No matter what, I have to say that I feel something metamorphosing inside me, changing my perspective ever so slightly, and forcing me to focus on the tasks at hand--and there are many.

I'm still working diligently at for Dr. Ikels. I am mostly scanning slides from her various trips to China, Japan, & Hong Kong. Occasionally I get to make a more traditional kind of trip to the library to pick up books for her or edit something or pretty much do anything that is somewhat menial & boring. I am very grateful for the opportunity to get to know a professor better as well as the opportunity to be a funded graduate student. I NEVER want to sound unappreciative for the things that I've been given/earned! I hate those kind of whiney grad students! I do however, sometimes wish I worked for a professor that didn't have as much for me to do and I'd still get the same benefits. Such is life I suppose.

I just finished my 1st Policy Brief for the Schubert Center. I wrote about Dr. Claudia Coulton's work looking at foreclosures. She'll be giving a talk next month about the effect of the foreclosure crisis on Children. It was all very depressing research to read, but really important work that needs to be done for sure. The research that she & her colleagues do applying social science to current issues is really great stuff, & I have to say very enticing as a researcher. They actually get to see some of their research get applied & have a real effect on policy. How great is that?!?! The next brief I'm working on should be a little less depressing, & admittedly a little more up my ally. I'll be writing about Dr. Elizabeth Short's work looking at preschool assessment. This is really fascinating stuff to me as both a mother of a toddler but also as an anthropologist interested in the acquisition of culture and psychological anthropology.

It is soo great to be surrounded by amazingly intelligent, ambitious, & successful women all the time! It really is nice to be able to have some professional role models. Speaking of role models, I have a new blog that I'm loving right now: Profgrrrrl! I swear that this wonderful woman writes about my life if I were a professor!! Alas, I am but a lowly graduate student...but that doesn't mean that I don't love her frank discussions of navigating the academic life as a mother! She's another AMAZING woman that I look to for inspiration when I start wondering if having all this is really possible/worth it!

On a much different note, I've been reading FAIL Blog to make me laugh! You gotta laugh!

As the seasons change, & I spend much too much time in the car listening to the radio...This is the song I am currently LOVING!!! Owl City "Fireflies"!!! Soo sweet! Is it the guy from Postal Service? It sure sounds like him if it isn't. I might need to go buy the CD!

I am really loving my students this semester so far. I'm only teaching the one class, but I do have 35 students. I really do love teaching, despite the very small financial awards and even smaller academic praise for doing it. I'm still thinking that this is what I want to do when I "grow up", so I don't mind working at it while I'm doing it. I won't be loving it while I'm grading my students papers in the car this weekend and trying not to barf on them from motion sickness, but that really isn't soo bad!

16 days until our roommate Amy is due to have little Adam!! I'm still coming to terms with the fact that we're going to have a new baby in the house. I'm soo excited for him to come. I'm just worried that I'm going to get caught up in the excitement so much that I'll get distracted. I have a history of not focusing on the big picture when the little one is soo adorable and cuddly! We'll see how it goes!
Sooo, back to work for me! :-)

August

2009-08-20T10:33:00.003-04:00

My 5 favorite things about August in no particular order:
1. Impatiens seed pods
2. air-conditioning
3. thunderstorms
4. back porch bbq dinners
5. school starting (I LOVE to buy school supplies. I know it's weird & I don't care!)

It's been a fun summer: lots of weddings, visiting friends, dreaming, discover ing, and working!
Time to get back to the grind and routine. I can't wait for it to be fall too!
Yes, the madness is about to ensue, but I really do thrive on being busy. I really should be more careful what I wish for though. :-)

Current mantra: You can do it! You can do it!
I might not be superwoman, but I can try!!

So much to say...

2009-06-11T12:31:00.003-04:00

It's been almost exactly 6 months since I last posted...several reasons of course, but mostly because I've been putting my writing efforts into other endeavors.

School keeps me plenty busy... busier than I would like really. I am constantly questioning and re-questioning if this is the thing that I really want to be spending my time doing, and so far the answer keeps coming back YES. Mostly just my battered little ego screaming for a little relief, so I'm learning to let it heal a little before I set out on another lesson in humility. This is how I've come to think of the process of getting a PhD. It doesn't help that it is such a long and arduous process that so few people actually have experienced. The constant questions about how much longer and aren't you done yet can really start to grate on my nerves and my resolve after a while.

I've come full circle though, and started running again to relieve my stress. It is really frustrating to be so slow, and I'm not particularly known for giving myself ANY slack. To keep me on track and to give me a goal to work toward in the shorter term, I'm running a 1/2 marathon at the end of August. (One of my good friends compared getting your PhD to running a marathon, but I'm not ready to go for the full one yet!!!) Suffice it to say that I've been hanging out at my new favorite spot: the Gym, as much as I can! Training is a word that is coming back into my active vocabulary, along with a few others: lifting, speed work, flexibility, sports bra, and many more. Getting back into a shape other than round is nice though, and I'm really hoping I can sustain this throughout the year along with the crazy amounts of work that come with poor graduate student territory. I'll be teaching again in the fall at BW, working 10 hours a week for a professor at Case, and new this year I'll be working up to 20 hours a week for the Schubert Center. Somewhere in there I have to find time to also work on my 2nd exam which could be interesting. I'm planning to turn in my 1st exam paper before school starts---that's what I'm working semi-diligently on for the next 2 months. I'll also be working on my capstone paper for my MPH, and then presenting on that at the end of next semester too. Then I'll finally be done with my MPH and ONLY working on my PhD (and all those jobby things I just wrote about).

How do I do it? Well, pretty much, I won't get to have ANY fun next semester, but spring semester should be good times. Oh yes, and did I mention that I am going to start applying for funding to go to the field in December. Fun fun fun stuff. Good preparation for being an assistant professor someday--at least I hope it will be.

To keep my sanity I have two other writing projects going just for fun. One is a novel I've been batting around in my head for a long time now and the other is a screenplay that is a new idea that I've been toying with as I daydream of Gerard Butler giving me a foot massage and telling me funny stories with his rolling Scottish Rrrrrs. Hmmmm....nice thought...
So much to say
so much to say
so much to say
so much to say
Other than writing, trying to organize my life a little more, and working out, Post Secret's Sunday secrets are little rays of sunshine in my week and the absolute absurd debauchery that is posted on Texts From Last Night always makes me laugh (and often finds me checking Urban Dictionary to understand what the heck they're talking about).

Ambitious? Yes, but I don't want to sit down when I'm 80 and regret the things I could have done but I was too scared to try. Carpe Diem!

$320--You've got to be kidding!

2008-12-10T10:53:00.002-05:00

I take very little consolation in the fact that I am far from the only one who has been angered by the $320 "fee" required to carry an infant in your lap on international flights. $320 is a whole lot of money to me and I'm pretty much getting NOTHING in return from the airline! WTF! I am not amused! BTW: there is NO fee for holding infants in laps on flights within the US. Sooo, needless to say, I'm REALLY looking forward to figuring out just how to get my $320 worth on my 8 hour flight from Detroit to Amsterdam. Any suggestions?

Yes we can...

2008-12-04T09:16:00.003-05:00

One month later, as I'm beginning to come out of my shocked state:

So happy in an America that I can be proud of.
So proud of an America that can move on & progress.
So excited that my daughter will only read the history
Of an America full of hatred, self importance, and excess.
Yes we can? Yes we can!
Crying tears of elation and almost disbelief,
November 4th, 2008 returned my ideals to me.
Waiting for the changes charging headlong down the aisle,
For America the beautiful to become all I want it to be.
Yes we can? Yes we can!

Ending with a little funny:

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Fabulous Video!

2008-10-04T20:02:00.001-04:00

Check it out:

Soo my life right now...

2008-09-06T21:31:00.002-04:00

Life as we knew it is never going to be the same. Andy said to me this evening: I just feel like I've been going and going since I got up this morning at 9:30am. I responded: Now you know how I feel every night when I flop into bed. Between the 3 days a week that I'm teaching a class at a college 40 minutes away, the classes I'm taking, the paper I'm trying to write for the AAA conference, the study design for my pilot study in January, an IRB proposal for the same study in January, and the 1 million things to take care of at home including the needs of both my adorable daughter and my handsome husband, I'm f**king exhausted by the end of it all. Maybe being a manic mommy isn't the best idea for staying sane every, but I'm not sure I'd have it any other way! At least we have an amazing babysitter that lives just across the street now. I LOVE Marnie BTW!! She is soo great. I swear that she probably takes better care of Annika than we do!
Crazy ideas that are now being implemented in my house:
1. Trying to pump & freeze 40 bottles by the time I leave for the AAA conference.
2. Keeping the house tidy and clean. (Much harder than it sounds w/ a 4 month old!)
3. Attempting to keep a bit of a social life too! (HA HA HA! This is the one that 's losing right now.)
I am going to attempt to start up a new exercise regimen too. A lady I worked with at CDPH just opened up a Pilates studio near here, and I'm hoping she can help make me hot again. We'll see how that goes. Tomorrow we're going to a cook-out at a friend of Andy's who he met playing soccer. These will be some of our first friends that we didn't meet at school or work! Very exciting! We realized a while ago that since our roommates moved out, we have no couple friends and the hopes of finding another couple like us are pretty dire. Seriously, we just have too much criteria to fill. This couple that we're hanging out with tomorrow are pretty close though. She is a German speaking PhD holding professor at CSU. They lived in Berlin for a year. He plays soccer and is into techno geeky stuff. Hmmm...if only the had a kid!! See what I mean? She and I have only met via e-mail, but I'm really hopeful that we'll hit it off so that we can form a weekly Stammtisch to practice our German skills. I would LOVE for Annika to get more exposure before we just jump into Berlin in January.
Well, back to work for me. Yes, that's how boring I am now--working on a Saturday night!

Annika's birth story

2008-06-16T18:37:00.000-04:00

Around 1am very early Tuesday May 6^th I started having contractions that woke me up about every half an hour. I knew they were pretty bad, but kept sleeping in between the contractions because I knew that I would need my strength for what was coming. I started to write down the timing of the contractions, and they started to get closer together. Around 4am they were getting so strong and close together that I couldn’t sleep between them. I knew I had an appointment at the midwife that morning. I thought that if I could just hold out until 8am to get my progress checked, then I would be fine. I sat on my exercise ball at the end of our bed and put my head down on the bed between contractions. I kept letting Andy sleep through most of it, only squeezing his hand a few times during the contractions when I thought I needed to. By 7:30am, my contractions were really regular, strong, and about 10 minutes apart. Andy stopped and got me a bagel on the way and I only could eat about half of it. We made it to the midwife’s office to be checked, and I was 5-6cm dilated. She called the midwife who was on call, and we were in luck. That was when we found out that my favorite midwife would be the one to attend the delivery!! I was elated!!!

We walked for a while around the hospital and slowly made our way over to Labor & Delivery where we were met by Jen—the midwife. She had called ahead and reserved the room with the birthing tub in it! As soon as possible, I got in it! My friend Amy, our birth support person and a future doula, came with great music for us and loads of relaxation stuffs too. With gentle samba music playing in the background and Amy rubbing my hands with lotion, I was rather calm. Yes, the contractions were getting worse & closer together, but the bath was so warm and nice that it really helped me stay relaxed. I was also relaxed because Jen was able to stay in the room almost the entire time with us. She kept talking to me and really helped me to remember how exciting it all was instead of getting all wrapped up in the pain. After about 2 hours, I got out of the tub so that she could check my progress again. I was already 9cm dilated, and my water still hadn’t broken. Jen talked to me about breaking my water to speed up the process, and even though I had been against it before this all got under way, I agreed that it was a good idea. She actually had trouble breaking the bag of waters; it took her three tries with that huge crochet hook looking thingy. It was then that we realized that the bed in the room was not a “birthing bed”. There were no stirrups, no handlebars, no birthing bar, and the bottom didn’t drop down. Jen had to sit at the end of the bed to deliver the baby. Not really the biggest thing on my mind at the time, but it had to be sucky for Jen.

Finally it was time to push, and I was tired. I was also in loads of pain and not so sure that I was up for all that pushing that I still had to do. If you know me, however, you know how stubborn I am and that I was not going to budge on my plan to stay drug-free! I tried every position that I had read about to see which one was going to work for me. I stayed on the bed at first and tried to be on all fours, then modified that by sitting up to hold the back of the bed. That wasn’t so great, so I got up out of bed to try standing, then partial and full squatting while gripping a chair. I got back in bed and was on my back again, even though that’s exactly how I didn’t want to be. I crossed my wrists, leaned forward, and pulled on Dr. Fisher who had joined us in the room just before I started pushing. ((Side note: Dr. Fisher was actually really great and I would totally recommend her to anyone who didn’t want to use the midwives!)) I actually pulled the doctor so hard that she ended up bent over the bed. I pushed a few more times in that position, but holding Andy’s hands instead of the doctor’s. Finally, I turned onto my side and that was the one that worked for me! Throughout all the position changing I kept pushing with everything I had. I thought I was being really vocal, but apparently Amy thought I was being scientology silent. I do remember someone telling me to focus my energy down below instead of letting it go out of my mouth with my screams. I also remember thinking that I was pushing the baby out of my perineum instead of my vagina! I was super annoyed with the nurse because every time I stopped pushing, she had to stick the fetal monitor (aka: machine that goes ping) onto my gut to check the baby’s heart rate. I really wanted to yell at her to get the heck out of there!!

“Open” was my mantra at the very end of it all, and I was happy to feel the burning of stretching skin because I knew it was almost over then. They asked me if I wanted a mirror to look at the head when it was crowning, but I didn’t want to see my business in such a stretched out bloody mess state. I did put my hand down there to feel all the hair on her head though. A few more pushes and she was out and I was absolutely amazed and overwhelmed and feeling a million things all at once. The midwife announced, “It’s a girl”, and at 2:17pm we were officially parents of a 7 lb 19 inch baby that we named Annika Susan. Annika’s cord was actually wrapped around her neck once and in a knot near her belly, though she never showed any signs of distress. She scored 9s on both of her APGARs, which is great according to what the doctors say. As Jen was delivering my placenta, I was bleeding more than usual, so she talked to me about getting a shot of Pitocin to slow/stop it. I got the shot, and then after they weighed and measured Annika they brought her back and I fed her right away which also helped. I did not enjoy the abdominal massage that they gave me afterwards to help my uterus start the shrinking process, especially since breastfeeding Annika had already kicked in the cramps to help it shrink.

We stayed in the hospital until Thursday at noon, and had a really great experience overall. Annika stayed in the room with us except for a couple trips to the nursery to get some tests and baths. She was doing really well latching on to nurse there too. Several of our friends came to visit us there and brought Annika some beautiful flowers and adorable stuffed toys too. The best part of the hospital: the room service type food menu! How often do you hear about how great the hospital food was? There was quite the extensive menu to order from and the food was actually REALLY great! Mucho props to the food service at Hillcrest! It was pretty great that Andy could eat with me all the time by ordering a guest meal which only cost $5. I appreciated that too! My only complaint from the stay: the horrific chair that Andy was forced to sleep in for the two nights we were there. It was busted; it wouldn’t lie all the way down, and they didn’t have another to replace it. Apparently they kept breaking, getting sent out for repair, and never returning. Needless to say, Andy was über-happy to return to our comfortably flat mattress at home.

Since being home we’ve had a constant parade of visiting family members, and only now are we actually getting to spend some time learning how to be a new family of three. I love being home with Annika, but I can’t imagine doing this all the time without the hope of going to school in the fall. Breastfeeding was so much harder than I ever expected it to be. We actually ended up going to a breastfeeding doctor and a doctor of osteopathy to get it all worked out in the end. Annika and I have a great rhythm now, and we still give her a bottle of pumped breast milk once in a while. It is really nice to have that option sometimes, so that I can actually get some work done if I have a babysitter. Most of my time is spent hanging out with my adorable new daughter though! I can’t believe how much she’s grown already, even though everyone seems to think she’s so small. She’s been gaining weight very well and I can tell that her skin is starting to fill out with a little bit of fat. She’d already grown over an inch at one month! I’ll try to keep writing about my new life, but probably won’t get around to it until next month at the earliest as I’m trying to catch up on my papers from last semester. Once those are done, then I should have a little more time to write about what’s going on in our fabulous new life!

Still waiting...

2008-05-05T10:53:00.002-04:00

At the suggestion of the fabulous Ms. Erin, here's the scoop as to what's going on right now.

WARNING: I probably am going to be a more than a little frank, so don't read on if you're worried about hearing about disgusting end of pregnancy details.

Things they never tell you about the end of pregnancy that someone really should warn you about:
1. Disgusting goo: Yes, it will look like someone with a horrific cold has blown their nose on your toilet paper for weeks--or at least that's been my experience.

2. General Malaise: At some point near the end you will become absolutely sick of being pregnant and want to get the kid out asap and there will be absolutely nothing you can do about it.

3. "Dropping" is good AND bad. I can finally breathe again and my heartburn has let up considerably but walking has become quite challenging with a head down in my pelvis!

4. Fatty McFatterson: I have NEVER felt soo fucking fat in my life! I can't wait to be able to roll over in bed without my "round ligaments" feeling like they are going to rip in half! I can't wait to not have someone's head resting on my cervix--the waddling that this forces you to do does NOT make you feel any better about the gargantuan size of your body! I'm still waiting for my bursts of energy because all I really want to do is lay in bed until this kid comes out! I know that I'm really NOT that fat and that I'm only pregnant and blah blah blah, but this doesn't keep me from feeling like Gilbert Grape's mom. No, I'm not going to set the house on fire or anything crazy, don't worry!

4. End in sight? The waiting and not knowing really grates on you after a while! Not being able to make ANY plans whatsoever because you just never know when labor is going to kick into high gear really SUCKS!

That's a pretty good lead in to the story of what's been going on with me for the last two weeks. Soo, three weeks ago we went to our weekly appointment to see the midwife. (By we, I mean Me & Andy. He goes to all my appointments with me and is super cute about it actually. Besides, I feel fat enough without referring to myself in the plural!) Anyway, we went to the midwife and I made the mistake of having her check me to see how things were going with my cervix. It was a Thursday, and when she check me I was 1.5-2cm dilated. No big deal really, but I thought it would just be good to know. My next appointment was for the next Tuesday because of scheduling conflicts etc. She checked me again. I was at 3cm dilation and when she pulled out her glove there was my oh-so-fun bloody show! She then asked me when my next appointment was, and I told her in a week. She said, "Well, I don't think you're gonna make it. Do you have your bag for the hospital packed?" I went to school that day elated thinking that labor was absolutely imminent! I even passed my mucous plug later that day furthering the illusion that this kid really was coming soon! Waay wrong! I sure did make my next appointment a week later. I saw a different midwife who also checked my "progress". I was at 4cm! Hallelujah, I was still making progress slowly but surely. She then said, "Well, it could be today or it could be in two weeks. There really isn't any way of knowing. We'll just have to be patient." WHAT?!?! Obviously this lady doesn't know me at all. That was one week ago tomorrow, and I'm going back to the midwife tomorrow. My technical due date is May 8th, so really I'm doing great timing wise and all. Intellectually I keep telling myself that it's a good thing that the baby hasn't come yet. There really are still some things that need to get taken care of before the kid comes, but the problem is that I'm really finding it impossible to motivate myself to do them. I don't want to clean the house again!

This brings me to my school papers. I'm sure you can imagine what an impossible task writing a research paper becomes when you are told that you could go into birth any minute. Maybe? Well, my professors certainly could and thank GOD! I've gotten extensions on all my papers until whenever I can finish them. I would love to say that I'm working on them diligently, but that would be an outright lie! I've honestly been trying to chill out and sleep as much as possible. I know that's not what a good grad student would do, but I can't help it. I know that it isn't going to be any easier to write papers with a newborn in the house, but I can't even think about the horrific quality of my writing at this point. I'm so worried that every little pain is a contraction and whether or not I should be counting them yet. I haven't been counting or timing them at all though, mostly because they've been absolutely sporadic. They've felt more like shooting pains than anything else yet. Yes, I have gotten some of the ones that begin at your spine and crawl all the way around your belly, but those have honestly been rare. SEE---I can't even write about writing for very long before I digress back to baby!!!

5. EVERYONE wants to see the baby already!! Yes, I know this is an obvious one, and PLEASE do count me in the category of people who want to see the baby already too. My friend Charlotte put it so well when she asked me, "Are you sick of everyone staring at you like you're the reason that Christmas hasn't come yet?" YES!! That's exactly it! All our friends and family are well meaning I know--checking in with us to see if labor has begun yet or if we just happened to have forgotten to tell them that the kid oops slipped out over the weekend. Well, it didn't yet. Andy's mom actually was convinced that I was going to have the kid on the 1st and called the 2nd just to ask if I did. Seriously Nana--we'll let YOU know!!! My mom now calls me every day that she goes down to the winery to let me know that she's going to be out of cell phone range so I'll have to call her on the winery phone. Again, MA, give me some credit. YES, I know that your car is packed and ready to go. WE'LL FIND YOU when it's time!! My mom also likes to suggest good days to have babies--as if I have any control over it AT ALL!! Her latest suggestion: Today! Yes I agree mama! It would be kinda cute for us to have the baby on Cinco de Mayo since we met at ChiChi's and all, but give me a break. There is only so much I can control.

Sooo, now that I've gotten all that off my chest...
Let me mention again that as soon as the kid is born we will be making a billion phone calls as well as sending out e-mails to everyone that we know. They actually have WiFi at the hospital, so Andy has promised to post pictures of the baby as soon as he can either on my MySpace/Facebook accounts or a Flicker/Snapfish account that he's still contemplating opening. Our hospital also has a Web Nursery where you should be able to check out our little one a day or two after it arrives.

Keep your fingers crossed for us. We're hoping to finish our apartment hunt this week so that we know where we're going to be living in July. Yeah...Andy kinda put it off a little and somehow I've become the point person on this too. Booo, bad form Melch! We did look at a really great place yesterday that is amazingly close to campus and a Rapid Station so Andy could take it to work instead of the car in the winter. We'll see though...still contemplating of course. We're looking in Little Italy right now and I'm actually really excited to move to a new smaller place. Well, the actual moving part doesn't sound that fun, but I'm excited about not having as much space to clean!

Happy Cinco everyone! Drink a Margarita for me PLEASE!!!

Ready or not...

2008-03-25T08:51:00.003-04:00

When I sat down to write this morning, I started thinking about what has been going on with us lately. Honestly, it gets to be a little overwhelming if I think about it all at once. I've thus far avoided any major meltdowns, but I'm positive one is sure to rear it's ugly head before this is all said and done.

We've been busy trying to get all our ducks in a row for the baby---which isn't really that easy to do by the way. Our friends here threw us another baby shower, which was soo much fun. They made it an Hawaiian theme, and of course the food was amazing because Sarah & Amy were in charge of it! We now have almost all the things we need for the baby, at least all the things we anticipate needing for the baby. We'll be investing in some doublers & non-disposable wipes shortly too. We just bought a new-to-us bedroom suite which I'm really excited about. Now we actually have somewhere to put all the baby stuff away, which is most essential to my sanity right now. We have some really cute clothes for the babe once it actually gets here, but I've been informed by both my parents not to purchase any more because they apparently are just waiting to see what we have before the floodgates open up. I really didn't expect my parents to be like this at all, so it's pretty funny. I think that they honestly believed me when I told them that we wouldn't be having any kids. C'mon Mom & Dad---didn't we learn that lesson when I told you that I would never get married and then did?

I really am starting to get huge now, but that's to be expected. I am now 34, almost 35 weeks along and the list of oh so fun and impressive pregnancy symptoms is getting longer now. I still have the pregnancy induced carpal tunnel syndrome, fun fun pitting edema mostly in my legs, and now I've gotten back my nausea & finicky stomach to boot. I really can't wait to NOT be pregnant any more! On the plus side, I do still have my in-y belly button, although I'm not sure how long that's going to hold out. Jon, our roommate, seems to think that it's like a turkey thermometer---when it pops out the baby's done. I'm really hoping it doesn't, but it's not looking likely to stay in if I get any bigger---which I will for sure! Another bonus, I don't have any stretch marks yet! That is a major surprise to me and I'm rather proud. Maybe that means that I don't have to give up the bikini just yet---hahahahahaha. We'll see how the getting back in shape goes. Now, if only I could just put my feet up while typing papers...hmmm.

The end of the semester is still kicking my butt right now, especially since I decided to submit an abstract to present one of my papers at the AAA conference in November. (Any excuse to have to go to San Francisco!) I'm in the midst of trying to get my IRB proposal in order. Some of my colleagues reminded me that I don't really have to do the IRB proposal right now; I could wait until after I write the paper and do the interviews then. Hmm, that might actually work, if I wasn't going to have a BABY then!!!! Pretty funny how quickly people forget about that big 25 pound bump of a belly I have sometimes! I sure don't forget.

Short list of things to get done before the baby arrives:
-Find an apartment for next year.
-Find a doctor for the baby--still debating on pediatrician or family practice right now.
-Put the car seat in
-Pack the bags for the hospital--for me, baby, & Andy
-Write up our birth plan
-Pre-wash all the baby's clothes and diapers
-Rearrange & clean up our bedroom--put everything away!
-School stuff!! (3 final papers, 1 class facilitation, 1 final oral exam auf Deutsch, 1 article ranking, and countless other minutiae that will get taken care of as needed!)

I will end on a fun note, by linking to an absolutely hilarious blog that my friend Denise has been telling me about for months and my friend Aura sent me a link to this week. "Stuff White People Like" almost made me pee my pants the first time I read it! Seriously funny and spot on!

Lamaze & Life right now.

2008-03-06T08:59:00.002-05:00

We started Lamaze class this past Sunday, & it was totally amazing. I really liked being in a room with a bunch of people who are all concerned about the same things as us. It was very comforting actually, especially when some of the Dads started asking some ridiculous questions. :-) Makes me appreciate how involved Andy has been with learning about what's going on & going with me to all my appointments throughout this whole thing. I am a very lucky woman! It is totally starting to set in that we're going to be parents soon, and I'm actually starting to look forward to it. It is also starting to set in that we are going to be moving in June with a baby and that I have soooo much to get done between now and then!

First there's school. I'm spending my spring break writing papers that are due at the end of April (aka: end of the semester). All my classmates think I'm crazy, but I really don't want to be writing them later! Who can write a paper when there’s a really cute baby the needs attending to? I’m not counting on it! I'm really hoping to get at least two of my papers at least in draft form next week during spring break, but we'll see how it goes. This week has been pretty hellacious trying to catch up from not getting any work done on the weekend and trying to finish up a take-home midterm and a funding proposal. Ahhh yes, such is the life of the graduate student. Hmmm, & what am I doing right now instead of these things that are due tomorrow???

Then we have things on the personal front. Yes, things are good with me & Andy--as usual. He's been soo great, but it's been hard for me because I've been ueber-moody lately. I'd love to blame it solely on the pregnancy hormones, but I'm not sure that's all that is going on. We'll see. My massive case of heartburn combined with swelling isn't helping things. They gave me some drugs to combat the heartburn in the hopes that my former remedy is what was making me swell so much. (Didn't even think about how much sodium was in the teaspoon of baking soda I was drinking at least once a day!) I honestly have NOT enjoyed being pregnant & would really like to have my predictable pre-baby body back! But, as Andy loves to point out--I wanted this.

OK, so it's probably about time for me to get cracking on my work that HAS to be done---Midterm exam & funding proposal. Keep your fingers crossed that I'm not getting sick. I'm employing my entire arsenal against it today: Emergen-C, Multi-Vitamin, & salt-water gargle--in the hopes of staving it off! If only I could get that big germ-carrier that I sleep next to to take better care of himself too. Hmmm...thoughts for another day. :-)

hospital tours & appointments galore

2008-02-16T19:43:00.002-05:00

We took a tour of the family maternity center at the hospital where I'm going to deliver today. They gave us great instructions so that we know exactly what we're supposed to do on the big day, although we'll still probably forget at least half of what we heard. I thought the tour was actually nice because we got to see an actual labor-delivery-recovery room and a post-partum room too. I guess I was under the impression that these two types of rooms were actually the same thing, but naturally I was mistaken. I thought that recovery time was the same as post-partum time---hahahahahaha. Andy & I had to laugh at the fact that the LDR rooms are HUGE & they have an actual couch in there for the dad/labor support person to sleep on if they want. HA---as if I'm going to let Andy sleep if I can't sleep b/c I'm in hard labor. You gotta be joking! Then, in the post-partum rooms, they only have a chair that lays all the way down for the Dad to sleep on. Supposedly they have these chairs for all the rooms, but just not in the one we toured. I'm a little skeptical! So, the room that we want to spend the least amount of time in, has the most comfortable amenities for Dad & the room that we HAVE to spend about 2 days is tiny & not so comfy. I don't get it. Our hospital does have a really cool thing: a Web Nursery! Yes, after our little one is here, they will post a picture up on the web for all to see. Pretty cool if you ask me, especially since all of our family lives out of town.

I'm officially 29 weeks, almost 30 weeks pregnant now, which is a pretty great. The produce comparisons are starting to be a little more concrete again too. It's now the size of a butternut squash. 28 weeks is a giant milestone as far as the baby surviving goes, and we actually know someone with a baby who was delivered at 27 weeks & survived. So, yes, we want the baby to keep cooking as close to 40 weeks as possible, but I'm not up at night worrying about losing the baby anymore ! If I am up at night now, it is probably to pee which I do at least 2 times a night or because I rolled over weird & am having trouble getting comfortable again. Seriously, I didn't realize how tricky rolling over while pregnant was going to be until I did it a few times without maneuvering & strained a groin muscle. Soo not fun by the way. I have dreams about the baby ALL the time now, and I try to keep track of what sex the baby is in them. I've had plenty of dreams both ways, and really have no idea what the sex its at all. Whatever sixth maternal sense I'm supposed to have that should tell me which it is, just ain't working!!! Then again, I've never been a very typical girl, so why should I be a typical mom anyway?!?!

I must give some props for the New York Times article today about EcoMoms!! Hooray for moms taking things into their own hands! I'm gonna link to the two sites they did too, because I liked them:
1. A Shade of Green---an Eco-Mom Blog!
2. Eco-Chick---another really cool group blog by & for Eco-Moms
A quick glance at eco-chick & I saw a link to baby-bunch, which I saw on Martha Stewart the ONLY time I ever watched that show. I LOVED the idea of making a bouquet out of gift clothing for the baby & may just have to steal it sometime soon!

Last but not least, I have to report that I feel myself sinking into a bit of a mid-winter depression. Luckily, I can spot it coming from about 10 miles away. Unluckily, I'm totally f***ed as far as my usual cures go! I can't really go out & start a new exercise routine right now & I sure as hell can't start on any meds! Yeah, I quit my meds in my 1st trimester because they really we're helping my nausea & I'm not sure what to do right now besides make an appointment to see my psychiatrist. Maybe it is time to invest in a full spectrum light box...although that's gonna be a real hard sell to my financially freaking husband right now.

Lastly, let me share some funny videos that I've found or been sent recently:
1. How Pregnancy Happens--as explained by your genitals.
2. Prego Tip--what I really should treat myself to!
3. British Babies--so adorable, if only for their accents
4. Laughing babies--maybe the best noise EVER!

Mom stuff

2008-02-01T10:03:00.000-05:00

Listening to one of my pregtastic podcasts this morning I learned about some cool resources that I wish I would have known about before.

1: Cool Mom Picks---what a GREAT idea for a website. They have some GREAT ideas, not just for moms-to-be either! Bonus, you can sign up for free giveaways of some of the product samples that they get!

2: Eco Child's Play---absolutely essential for the green parent! They have all kinds of info about safe products for your kids, including toys, bottles, teething rings, etc. The blog is an outstanding resource for parents & they have some great links too!

3: Felicite! What a great find! You find all the stuff you want to register for on the web, & they compile it & link to it! I wish I would have known about this before I registered. Would have saved me the headache of going to the store w/ the registry gun & having to tote Andy with me.

Just a few new places on the web to check out. :-)

FYI: Pregnancy is going fine right now. My latest frustration has been that my shoes don't really fit quite right because my feet are a bit swollen. I'm gonna try to get some more exercise & drink some more water this week to see if it helps at all. The baby is getting REALLY active now, & a my undulating belly is a continued source of entertainment for us. Hard to pay attention in class when you're being kicked from the inside BTW!
I can't believe I'm actually going into my last trimester! Home stretch & soo much to do before the little one arrives. We're looking at birthing classes right now & hopefully will get to meet with our prospective Doula soon too. Exciting stuff, I know. Who has time to write pilot study proposals? Me!

2008-01-30T10:42:00.000-05:00

Yes, even the NY Times has now come around to the fact that our insatiable appetite for meat is helping destroy the environment just as much as our oil consumption! EWWWWW!
So not only are there ethical reasons to be vegetarian, but green ones too. DUH! People have been saying this since the 1970s and we're just now getting it. Yes, it is vindicating to know that us crazy liberals are sometimes right!

On a personal note, this semester is gonna be a Bitch! Naturally, I'm going to love it, but it is going to be a ride from hell for a while partially because I'm trying to get ahead. Yeah...the whole growing belly is a great impetus to start those term papers and that reading early! There are not enough hours in the day!

Voting for what exactly?

2008-01-08T12:14:00.000-05:00

I used to be really into politics. I loved reading about what the candidates were saying they would do and debating with my friends & family who I thought should be in charge of things. Perhaps it is my cynical and jaded nature coming out in my old age (haha), but that really isn't me anymore. Yes, I get just as riled up as the next liberal when it comes to the issues, but I feel somehow that I've lost all faith in the system to ever overcome some of these horrendous things. I also wonder if somehow I haven't lost faith in my fellow Americans, especially after the last presidential election when Bushy actually won! I get tired of explaining the "American psyche" to my foreign friends, and even more tired of explaining what's wrong with us to my fellow Americans. Perhaps it's just me, but it seems like we become more and more concerned with our own belly button lint than with helping out our fellow citizens. This saddens me! Where did the cultural value of taking care of each other get lost, especially in a nation of so many professed Christians? I don't get it!

Today in the NY Times there was an opinion piece by Gloria Steinem that got me to thinking about what are we really voting for when we cast our ballots. I know that there are plenty of those single issue voters out there, only voting for a candidate because of the way they stand on one single thing. This baffles me completely, but so does voting for a woman just because she's a woman or a "black" man just because he's a "black man. I vote my conscience. I cannot in good conscience vote for anyone who criticizes insurance companies with one side of their mouth and thanks them for their campaign contribution with the other. Hmmmm, hypocrisy anyone? Steinem ends her article by saying that we must be able to say, "I'm voting for her because she'll be a great president and because she's a woman." Do I think Hillary Clinton would make a great president---absolutely, but greatness should not be the only criteria by which we judge a candidate. Should we not also judge the candidate by whether we agree with their proposed policies or their past ones as evidenced by how they voted while serving in other offices? Yes, I realize that this might be a novel concept. But, why not?

I think that we Americans need to take a step back and look at what we have become for a moment, and stop relying on images and information from the past to guide our behaviors. I saw a great panel at the American Anthropological Association meeting back in December which really got me to thinking. <<Here's an article that was written by an attending journalist about the panel.>> We all need to do a little soul searching if you ask me, to find out what it is that we REALLY want, instead of what the television/movies/magazines/newspapers/etc tells us we are supposed to want. Listen to them too long, and they'll have you convinced that you are absolutely inadequate and in no way capable of becoming so. This panel that I attended was an assemblage of authors for the follow up book to "Why America's Top Pundits Are Wrong." I can't wait for the sequel to come out.

Other fun things that I'm thinking about:
-Maternal Profiling
-Childbirth classes
-Orlando Bloom :-)
-How can I tell which position the baby is in?
-Making everyone shopping bags for Christmas next year
-Learning to code data in the NVivo Software package-->I'm actually learning a valuable and marketable skill!!

Two things that tickled my ribs in the last week

2008-01-05T08:58:00.001-05:00

1st:
We had a party on New Year's Eve. At the end, I was definitely lost in a pile of drunkenness, which BTW is not that fun when you are the sober one. This story will clarify that for sure. So while our neighbor Kevin, who normally is a very nice, handsome, respectable kind of guy, was busy trying to get in my friend Jenny's pants, I was stuck talking to his friend that I didn't know at all: Patrick. Normally I don't have a problem making conversation with anyone, but for this guy was something else. He looks like he used to play football (the American version) & never stopped drinking like he was an athlete. Yes, you know the type. He was ridiculously arrogant, especially for someone so drunk and reeking of cigarette smoke in his name branded shirt & khakis. Somehow our conversation turned to the JFK blunder of "Ich bin ein Berliner" and this is where things started to go really wrong for this guy. He proceeded to explain to me why this was not what JFK meant to say & why it was grammatically wrong--for the next half an hour!!! At first, I sat there politely and nodded my head listening. About 5 minutes into his half baked explanation, I let him know that yes, I do understand that it was grammatically incorrect. Ten more minutes of him talking about the significance of JFK saying what he did pass before I let him know that I actually speak German. The next 15 minutes then ticked away with him continuing to explain the whole JFK Berliner debacle to me & me interjecting random bits of fact that he had most likely never considered about the entire f***ing thing!! The angrier and more vindictively I let him know just how much more I actually understood/knew about this thing than him, the more he proceeded to try to demonstrate his intellectual prowess to me by telling me the same thing again about the stupid JFK speech! He was just not giving up, so finally I just walked away realizing that I was far too sober & he was far to ridiculous to even warrant my time! Come to find out, later that night Patrick had a similarly outrageous conversation with Anne-Marie where he tried to explain to her what "culture" is! Perhaps another way to look at it might be: Kudos to the guy who tries to explain the finer points of German grammar & politics to a girl who was a German major AND who tries to explain "culture" to a girl who has her master's degree in Anthropology! That takes some massive balls you jerk! Oh, or are you just so sexist that you think we couldn't possibly know more than you since neither of us has a penis despite what our DEGREES say or anything? Hmmm, obviously this guy won't be invited back to our house EVER again!

2nd:
We went back to see the midwife on the 2nd of January. There was a snowstorm the night before, and Andy actually got a 2 hour delay for work. <> This meant that he not only got to sleep in, but also that he didn't have to go to work until after our appointment. Naturally we left plenty early to make sure that we'd get there on time, and naturally we got there plenty early because they are really good at clearing the main roads here at least most of the time. The waiting room was pretty empty, except for a girl who looked about 19 there with her mom and her 2 year old daughter. The girl went in for her ultrasound leaving the grandma there with the 2 year old. The little one started to cry when her mom left, & the grandma consoled her. She offered to take the girl to walk around while they were waiting. The little one jumped off of her lap, and this was when I noticed that her tiny backpack in the shape of a monkey had a 5-6 foot LEASH that extended off of it. While I find those things repulsive, I didn't find it all that surprising. The girl starts walking toward the wrong door, and the grandma made a clicking noise with the side of her mouth and said, "C'mon. This way," in that voice register normally reserved for dogs. Andy & both looked at each other immediately. I said, "Did she just...?" He just nodded. In unison we both started laughing in that you-have-got-to-be-kidding sort of way. I know that some people treat their kids like pets, but COME ON LADY!! I wonder if she even realized that she did it or that it was a pretty sick thing to do.

Sometimes I just have to laugh at whatever life brings my way. Deepak Chopra once said that laughter is our soul's recognition of our own mortality. What do these stories say about me then I wonder?

Popcorn Belly

2008-01-02T13:25:00.000-05:00

Wow, I can hardly believe that we're already 23 weeks into my pregnancy! Just got back from going to see the midwife today, & all looks great so far. My weight & blood pressure are doing great, and the best news is that my sciatic nerve issues have subsided. The baby is getting really strong now--Andy can now feel it moving around in there too! As my friend Sarah said, my stomach has gone from a vegetable patch to a home entertainment system now too. We're no longer thinking about what form of produce our progeny resembles, but are now absolutely entertained watching my stomach imitate a bag of popcorn.

We had a GREAT time in Evansville!! Andy's family threw us our 1st baby shower on the 23rd which was actually fun! Some of my friends got to come & my Mom, sister-in-law, & brother even made the 4 hour trek down just for the day! We got soo much great stuff for the baby, & our apartment even is starting to look like there is a baby on the way. Our friends Heath & Karen had a small party that night, which was so much fun. We got to see some our Indiana friends that we don't talk to nearly enough, & we got to meet their new son Kelley! We also met our new niece Ella on this trip too & naturally fell in love with her too. Being around all those babies actually helped me calm down quite a bit about having our own! Christmas was of course really great too, as always. The Melchiors' holiday is much different than a Vogt or Wilson one for sure. Always nice to be able to see the extended family, but a little exhausting too. We were glad for the time we got to spend there, but also glad to get back to our very own place.

Now that we're getting into the 2nd half of the pregnancy, we're really starting to think about how we want to work this whole birth process & all that fun stuff. I'm really excited to be blessed with OPTIONS!! Some friends of ours have had some massive horror stories to tell, so much so that I'm starting to anticipate walking into the hospital with outstretched arms telling everyone to get away from me! I'm sure my dad would say that I have some control issues, but really I'm just thinking about the safety of both the baby & me--in that order I might add. I thought it was just the anthropologist in me, but it turns out that there are plenty of other women worried about the massive amounts of unnecessary medical interventions that are so pervasive in birth in the US. I've been trying to educate myself about this stuff, & it really is a little overwhelming sometimes.

What I'm reading:
Henci Goer's The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth
Robbie Davis-Floyd's Birth as an American Rite of Passage
Jennifer Block's Pushed <--Thanx Karen for recommending this one!

I've also been listening to the "Pregtastic" Podcast which is sometime really helpful. Yes, the beginning of this show used to piss me off something fierce. Who wants to hear "being pregnant is pregtastic pretastic pregtastic" as they are walking to school & trying very hard not to vomit for the 3rd time that morning?? Sometimes they also piss me off because these women are all obviously upper-middle class & they like it that way. They just don't ever seem to be worried about money, at all! This just isn't my experience, but maybe if I too had any sort of disposable income I might not get so worked up about it. Anyway, I should say that I really DO like the podcast. I love that they always commiserate with each other about the ups & downs of pregnancy. I love that they have women who're having their 1st baby & others who are having their 4th. I love that they bring experts on there to talk about their stuff & then criticize them. I love that they talk about the REAL stuff to expect. Most of all, I like the podcast because they bring up lots of stuff that I haven't really even thought about and allay many of my concerns about pregnancy. I skip around in the podcasts & recently listened to the one where they interviewed a lady about the volunteer doula service that she runs out of a hospital in San Diego. Some of the cool links that they recommended checking out:
-The Birth Survey
-The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services
-Birthsource.com
-Childbirth Connection
Thanks ladies!

Things I stopped worrying about this week:

1. Incompetent Cervix! This may be my new favorite outrageous medical term EVER! Seriously, how horrible is that name? Our midwife explained that not only is this not a hereditary condition, but also that if it was a concern for me it would have presented at the last ultrasound.

2. Orlando Bloom! OK, so I was never really worried about Mr. Bloom, but I was worried about all these hyper-sexual dreams I was having about him. Not so worried about that anymore--I can't control my dreams, so why should I feel guilty. Besides, if you can't indulge in your dreams where can you? BTW: I did control my pre-teen urge to buy a notebook with his picture on it!!

Are YOU getting enough vitamins?

2007-12-11T11:21:00.000-05:00

How much do YOU actually worry about what you're eating? Do you know if you are getting all the recommended daily allowances for vitamins & minerals? If you think that because you take a multi-vitamin every day you're getting all you need, well you might be right & you might be wrong. According to my roomies--no matter what, you pee out about half of the vitamins that you take in from a pill anyway. Hmmmm, doesn't it just sound better to make sure that you're eating a well balanced diet? Yeah, I know, easier said than done. Wait until you get pregnant!! So everyone seems extra concerned about what I eat lately. Yes, I am growing a baby inside of me right now & YES I'm still a vegetarian. I truly have NO plans to change either one of those facts anytime in the next 20 weeks.
Hooray for being halfway through my pregnancy!!
Isn't it amazing that women had healthy babies at all before we knew all this stuff that they were "supposed" to be doing!!
Warning: somewhat controversial statement about to be made!
I stopped taking my prenatal vitamins! Yes, that's right, & I don't regret it at all. I actually stopped taking them a while ago & I'm not even worried. I told my doctor, & she didn't even seem concerned. Amazing! She mentioned that I might want to think about maybe trying some kiddy vitamins, like Flintstones or the gummy ones. Those prenatal vitamins were making me even MORE sick than I already was. Since I'm now over that vomit all the time phase, you might ask, "why not go back on the vitamins?" and I might answer "NO WAY!" I'm not jeopardizing this feeling better for anything! No, I'm not worried about the baby. Especially after our ultrasound last week showed that it is doing just fine! It seems to be doing great since all it likes to do is jump on my bladder now. Andy says that my bladder must feel like a nice little bean bag chair & the baby is just lounging. I wish it would find a better spot! I have felt the baby moving around now, which is honestly the coolest thing about this pregnancy so far! It seems pretty random so far as to when it moves, but I really do like it. I keep trying to get Andy to feel it too--don't want him to feel left out, but I don't think that the kicks are quite strong enough yet. Soon enough I'm sure he'll be sick of me making him put his hand on my belly. So far it feels to me kinda like holding a fish in my hands--a slippery little thing squirming between a tight space. I like it.
Last word about my diet, & then I'm moving on. If the doctors and midwives aren't concerned about me not taking a prenatal vitamin, then I'm not going to be either. Honestly, I try to just follow my gut as to what I'm craving/needing at any moment. Right now I'm getting a very distinct avocado burrito craving. Hmmm, maybe AnneMarie will drive me...

I did want to write about one thing non-pregnancy related today. Yesterday I read in the NY Times about an Arizona prosecutor who is putting mug shots of those convicted of a DUI up on a website. Interesting scare tactic, and I think its pretty fucking hilarious! I think it is also a pretty hilarious example of how far we Americans take personal responsibility. If we really wanted to stop drunken driving, maybe we might invest more money in public transportation instead of a losing war. I always find it so interesting where we place our priorities. Is it more pragmatic to put up a website to embarrass people into compliance, or to make it easier for them to comply? Where's our Gedoogbeleid?

Baby pictures!

2007-12-06T11:29:00.000-05:00

I'm officially 19 weeks pregnant now--almost halfway there! I'm not vomiting as much anymore and I'm even one pound over my pre-pregnancy weight now! I'm starting to show now too which is nice. Finally, I LOOK pregnant so people don't wonder why I'm going to the bathroom so much. We got a nice new tour of my uterus yesterday and got some excellent pictures of the little one. It was totally sucking on it's thumb, & I jokingly told Andy that we'd better start saving for braces now. We didn't find out the sex, because we didn't want to know. The doctor that came in after the technician had to have asked us at least three times if we wanted to know the "gender" and if we were sure. I'm usually so bad with surprises, but this one I want to wait out. I figure that we have the rest of the kid's life to push it into a gender role, no need to get an early start. I keep teasing my friends that I just want them to be more creative than pink or blue when they're buying gifts! Anyway, the baby weighed about 8 ounces yesterday. The produce comparisons are getting a little strange on the baby websites. This week was an heirloom tomato, but I can't get a very good idea of how big one of those is.

Today is the 2nd day of Hanukkah! Pretty exciting, especially since my only Jewish friend in Cleveland told me that her Mom canceled Hanukkah in 1991! I thought that was hilarious & I now think her mother is a goddess with some massive cahones. I really wanted to bring up the holiday because of this hilarious story about grocers around the country putting HAM on sale for Hanukkah. Seriously, would you put pork chops on sale for Ramadan? They probably thought they were being so savvy trying to tap into a new market. Hahahahaha!

Avocado-Sized Baby

2007-11-17T21:33:00.000-05:00

Although according to my friends here in Cleveland I don't look pregnant yet, I'm actually starting to FEEL very pregnant. Andy laughed when I told him this and asked, "What, the vomiting all day didn't make you FEEL pregnant?" I can no longer fit into any of my jeans, except for the maternity ones which are still a little big on me. I almost live in my yoga pants and anything else that is super stretchy or was a little big before. Of course Andy is still being the best husband in the entire world, since I still am having trouble with the smells of our kitchen. I'm soooo thankful that I no longer work in a restaurant. That would be torture!
<>

We went to the doctor on Thursday, & everything is going ok according to her. We actually are switching from the doctor to a midwife beginning with our next visit. Not that we didn't LOVE our doctor that we had! Seriously, I would recommend her to ANYONE! If you live in Cleveland and are looking for an OB/GYN, check out Elisa Ross! She is awesome!! I'm just really getting particular about what I want to happen in the birthing process. I promise, I'll write a blog all about it.

We go back in 3 weeks for the "anatomy ultra-sound." That's when they check to see if the baby has all it's appendages, etc. We could also find out the sex of the baby, but WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW!! We should get a nice picture of the kid next time though, so hopefully I can figure out how to put it up here for everyone to see.

I am still having some trouble with getting sick, but it is gradually subsiding. Instead of vomiting 3-4 times a day, I only vomit 3-4 times a week. Surely I used to vomit that much when I was a crazy party girl, so I no longer need to worry about my teeth rotting from the acid. The baby is about the size of an avocado now according to BabyCenter.com. I'm guessing they mean a Haas/California avocado (the yummy ones) and not the psychotically ginormous and sweet Florida ones that you sometimes find in the grocery store.

I can't wait to actually feel the baby kick, which should happen any time now! That will for sure make it feel more real than even my growing waistline!

pre-natal insanity?

2007-11-07T15:16:00.000-05:00

I get sooo frustrated with the onslaught of advice that has started to avalanche us in since we told people we're expecting. I've definitely learned to tell people to shut the heck up with a little more tact--which I know my mother is dropping her jaw in disbelief at right now! Seriously, it seems to me that sooo many people know what is best for me & the baby. Who knew there were so many experts out there? I now truly resent any sentence that begins with the phrase "you have to make sure you..." or "don't you know that..." or even "have you heard about..."! Yeah, I'm trying to be understanding. Mom says to just nod my head and smile when people tell me these things, but I have a really hard time keeping my mouth closed & not letting my real opinion spill out. There are very few mothers of small children in my life, & even fewer that I trust to not tell me to go out and buy everything under the sun to make sure that my baby will have the most perfect life ever! FYI: if I don't ask you your opinion about it, I probably don't want it! So, thanks Tyna for your ever so welcome advice about cloth diapers and what I really need to get for the baby. Thanx Elizabeth for your helpful lists of what I actually should NEVER register for because it won't get used at all! These are helpful things for me.

Speaking of absolutely unhelpful things that people tell me about, yesterday I learned about a whole section of psychology, which made me actually respect the discipline even less! I'm talking about "pre-natal" or "birth" psychology! Yes, did you know that I'm already fucking up my child? Surely it is all the hurling noises from me vomiting or at the very least the 9 hours of sleep I get a night! You have GOT to be kidding me! Supposedly my kid won't even have any long-term memory until the age of 3, so how exactly am I scarring it already? I don't get it.

While I'm on the psychology topic, let me just rant for another moment to all the budding psychologists out there. CULTURE IS NOT A VARIABLE TO BE PLUGGED INTO YOUR STUDY!! This is the most absurd thing I've encountered in quite some time. Do you really think that you can get at the intricate differences that culture poses on the psychological development of a person by making it a variable? What happened to thick description? Are you so convinced that your little questionnaire really covers all the aspects of illness and that all those questions will be interpreted by everyone the same? If you are, then we need to talk. If you don't talk to me, PLEASE for the love of Pete talk to another anthropologist. We'll tell you, "It depends," and you'll be frustrated, and we'll argue, and we both might actually learn something! It could be amazing! Try it!

I'm officially 15 weeks pregnant, and not as pukey as I was. I really just have to keep eating. I feel like I never stop. The baby is doing just fine, and we're going back to the doctor next week. I haven't felt it moving around yet, but supposedly I should in the next few weeks. We'll see. We're registered now at Target & our registry on the Cotton Babies website should be up pretty soon. Please please please please please please DON'T buy us any disposable diapers. We're most definitely going the cloth diaper route! I did some research on them, & ended up registering for the BumGenius one-size brand. I'm really excited about these, and not just because I won't have to give Andy lessons for how to fold them to get 'em on the kid! My belly is actually starting to expand just enough so that I don't fit into ANY of my pants. No joke. I can't wear my old pants without having to wear a hair-band to stretch the button & the zipper completely undone. I can't really wear the maternity pants yet because my belly doesn't fill it out enough to keep them on. My friend Sarah is my new goddess for lending me some of her pants that are a couple sizes bigger than my regular ones.

One last quick "please don't" for you before I go: Please don't buy me any parenting books, no matter how good you might think they are! I refuse to read them right now for 3 reasons:
1. I have no time, it is the end of the semester dummy!
2. The kid isn't even here yet, so I'm not worrying about that yet!
3. I really don't want to read some stupid culturally biased book written for white middle-class Americans who have nothing better to do than worry that they're raising their kids the "right" way because they refuse to think about the fact that their giant SUVs and McMansions are polluting the crap out of our planet or that they woke up with running water and a toilet and are really doing better than half of the world or that they really are voting for oppression with most of the things that they purchase at their beloved Wal-Mart not just far away but also right there in their backyard!

Exciting times.

2007-10-23T14:18:00.000-04:00

The past 6 weeks have just flown by in a whirl. So much and so little has happened that I'm not going to be able to talk about it all here. First things first: we're having a baby! Yes, we now join our fellow friends & family who also have gotten some happy accidents in the past few years. I'm officially 13 weeks pregnant, which puts my due date in the beginning of May. This isn't exactly the best timing considering the fact that one of my oldest friends is getting married May 22nd & I was supposed to be IN the wedding. At this point, I'll just be happy to get to attend the wedding at all with a very very small child in tow. We'll see though...I'm not holding my breath.

I've always said that if you want to wait until you are ready to have children, that you probably won't EVER have any. I still think that, because I know I could always find an excuse as to why we should have been waiting. Yes, having a baby right now probably isn't the ideal, but I'm not sure there will be a better time either. No, we don't have money coming out of our ears, but we're not broke either. I'm actually thinking that having a baby now might work out better than later for me anyway. Most people don't understand just how flexible my time really is in graduate school. While I do still have to attend classes, that will only be for another year or so. When I finish my coursework I'll really only have to go to school once or twice a week at the most to go to the library or meet with my committee! I'll be spending the majority of my time working on exams, writing proposals for funding, and planning out my dissertation research. Most all of that stuff can be done from home!!! Granted, once the kid is no longer sleeping 20 hours a day it will be a little more challenging to work from home, but I'm willing to try. So no, I'm NOT planning on giving up on grad school just because we're having baby! This will probably not surprise anyone who knows me though, because I've always been one to want to have my cake & eat it too. Who isn't like that?

Pregnancy has royally SUCKED so far! I've officially lost 8 pounds since the first time I went to the doctor and I'm starting to get the ab muscles I've always wanted from puking so much. I think the worst part of puking so much is the fact that it is practically impossible to get anything done when I'm this nauseous. I am falling a little behind in my work for school, & that is NOT a great feeling. My profs have all been really understanding about me missing class, but I'm starting to seriously feel guilty. I've now puked in every building that I have entered on campus this semester---which I'm not so sure is a claim to fame. I spend sooo much time thinking about what I can do to avoid the nausea and far too much brain space memorizing where the bathrooms in every building are!
Other fun new habits I have:
-researching cloth diapers on the internet
-reading a million articles & boards on Pregnancy Center
-reading some books about giving birth
-going to bed between 8:30 & 10:00pm
Yeah, I'm really exciting!
If only I could be as courageous as Jenna Elfman in this video!

There are two other new little ones that were born to family & friends this past month.
Ella Rae was born to James & Lindsey earlier this month and our friends Heath & Karen welcomed their new son Kelly just last week! Soo, lots of new moms to converse with, not to mention those of our friends who are already old hat at the parent thing like Matt & Tyna!

So, yes, we will hopefully be taking lots of belly shots to show the progression of the bump! Maybe we'll even post the next ultra-sound picture of the kid, as long as it actually looks more human & less gummi-bear-ish! I'll also try to be a little better at actually posting blogs now that the sickness is seeming to actually subside at times.

Listen.

2007-09-11T22:24:00.000-04:00

Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts,
the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves,
then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child.
Anything can be.
-Shel Silverstein

Green Veggie Girl!

2007-08-30T09:12:00.000-04:00

I've officially been a vegetarian for almost 10 years now, and I can't even tell you how many times I've been asked the obligatory question, "Why?" I really should start countering with, "Well, why not?" Or even, "Why aren't you?" I love being a vegetarian for a million reasons that I know I've written about before on here. So, if you wanna read about why I'm a veggie, you should read back in my former posts. Anyway, the reason that this is at the front of my mind this morning, is that I read this article in the New York Times today about trying to connect the dinner plate to climate change. I LOVE IT! Hooray for those crusaders at PETA for calling a spade a spade & putting Gore on the spot! Maybe I don't agree with their tactics, especially driving a Hummer in a chicken suit to call attention to the fact that factory farming animals for the dinner table does more to damage the environment than all the SUVs in America combined, but I do appreciate the sentiment. Why is it that it is so easy to talk about petroleum consumption when it goes into your car and home but not onto your plate? Could it be that we hold our meat & potatoes more dear than we do our automobiles? Sure, I can ride my bike to work, but please don't ask me to change my eating habits! What? How does that even make sense? It is my firm opinion that you cannot consider yourself a true environmentalist if you eat meat. Enough of a rant for now.
Check out what one of my favorite philosophers has to say about ethical eating.
Here are some environmental reasons to be a vegetarian.
Oh yes, and make sure to vote for 2007's sexiest vegetarians here.
:-)
I swear the longer I'm a veggie, the more trouble I have keeping my mouth shut about why! Maybe that's a good thing though.

My life is so glamorous...

2007-08-29T17:03:00.000-04:00

Oh, the life of the graduate student is so glamorous, let me tell you about the amazing week I've had so far. Monday was the 1st day of classes, & my first was Psychological Anthropology from 9-10:15am. Looks to be an interesting class with Dr. Gaines, even if I AM the only anthro grad student in there. The rest of the morning I spent going to the library & finding books about immigrant mental health, which is what I'll most likely be doing my big projects about this semester. That afternoon I went to study with my friend Sarah on campus in the Sages Cafe until my class from 3-5:30pm Anthropological Research Design. That class will be a challenging but rewarding one for sure, as we are potentially designing our future dissertation projects. <>

Tuesday, I spent the morning studying, & by this I mean reading the books I found at the library & taking notes for later. I had a TA meeting from 12:20-1:00 & then sat in on that class from 1:15-2:30pm. My first seminar: Global Mental Health with Eileen was from 3-5:30pm, and I'm sooo excited about that class! Loads of really interesting reading that is all right up my alley! Bonus: Eileen is the newest faculty member & one of the sweetest people in the world. After class I went home, where my oh so handsome husband made amazing stir-fry for dinner! I spent the rest of the evening drinking wine & chatting on the internet with friends. One friend was telling me all about how he was helping repair some poor surfer with a shark bite out of his middle! Naturally, I found this absolutely amazing!

Hmmm, that brings us to today. This morning I had my psych anthro class again. I had a meeting with my adviser to discuss my degree progress and my research project for her class. Afterwards I retreated to my office to study some more. I finished one book & then attempted to scan the bibliography to no avail. I walked home, took a shower, & made a run to Target for some life supplies. Since I got back I've been organizing my office area & I'm getting ready to type up my notes so that I can include the bibliography references that I originally left out. Later, I'll study some more & maybe spend some time knitting and/or visiting with our roommates and their guests. We'll see.

So you see, my life is anything but glamorous. I'll spend the rest of the week studying, organizing, working, and other such fun stuff. The funny part: I really do love it! There is a grad student luncheon that I'll attend on Friday too, because I've turned into a free food whore since coming here! That, & they usually get us GREAT catered food for these things! Life as a grad student really isn't that bad. I only abhor when people think that we just sit around all day & do nothing!!! This REALLY makes me appreciate my AMAZINGLY UNDERSTANDING husband! I didn't imagine graduate school to be sooo much different than undergrad, & the major differences are the amount of work you are expected to do and the fact that you are actually interested (hopefully) in the classes you are taking. Yeah, we still have some ridiculous requirements that suck ass, but for the most part I've enjoyed my classes. I love that feeling when you do the reading for a class and you can't wait to get there to talk all about it with people who are just as interested in the subject matter as you are!!! Grad school is the 1st place that I've finally felt that I fit in completely with the people around me! Somewhere that awkward 15 year old little girl that I was is sighing with a smile & exclaiming,"Finally!"
It may not be glamorous, but I really think I'm going to enjoy soo much of working my butt off for this!!

Seien Sie mehr als Sie sehen?

2007-08-25T18:31:00.000-04:00

Etwas privates:
Was denkst du ueber mein Titel da? Erkennst du das? Sollst du? Vielleicht ist es nur eine Ueberaschung fuer dich, dass ich deine gelesen habe. Soll nicht aber. Ich will ganz ehrlich sein, nimm mir bitte im Ernst. Ich bin schon gluecklich. Nein, wirklich, das stimmt. Mein ganze Leben geht im Moment perfekt, und ich koennte fuer mehr nicht fragen. Normalerweise denke ich, dass ich mehr will--mehr Geld, mehr Zeit, mehr, mehr, mehr, aber wann werde ich zufrieden sein, wenn ich immer an mehr wuenschen. Die kleinste Vergnuegen sollen mich stillen, aber manchmal denke ich den Loch zu tief. Diese Monat denke ich zu viel an dem Vergangenheit--besonders von dir. War ich wirklich zu schuechtern als ein Maedchen irgendetwas an dir zu sagen? Ich glaube schon, aber wer kann jetzt sagen? Vielleicht war es etwas anders. Sonst ist es nicht jetzt egal? Soll sein, aber ich fuele mich nicht so. Mein vergangene selbst ist aber unbelehrbar, und wir koennen nichts dazu machen. So ist es.

Wenn ich eine Zeitmachine bauen koennten, dann werde ich nach die fruehe Neunziger wieder reisen. Ich wuerde durch den ganzen Nachbarschaft auf dir suchen, und wann ich dich finden wuerden, wuerde ich mein Hertz erzaehlen. Aber wuerde ich vielleicht gar nichts sagen. Vielleicht wuerde ich in meine jungere Koerper wieder so als mein jungere Selbst fuehlen---schon wieder schuechturn und erschuettert sein. Hast du Bock auf eine andere Schicksal zu haben? Ich noch nicht, deswegen benehme ich mich noch.

Koerperlicheweise, koennten wir theoretisch Spass machen. Ja, und danke fuer die Fantasterei, aber es wird nie wirklich passieren. Ja, so vielleicht weisst du das schoen, und ich muss nur mich ueberzeugen. Ich will etwas schlecht machen, aber ich bin ueberhaupt nie so ein Mensch geworden, und ich furchte mich darueber, dass ich so etwas werden.
Schliesslich lass mich sagen, dass du bist sehr suess und huebsch und klug und wirklich etwas besonderes. Bleib so wie du bist, und vielleicht treffen wir uns irgendwann.
Ich will dich nicht beleidigen, und bitte vorzeih mir, wenn du gestoert bist.
Ich denke an dir noch. Glaubst du mich?
Bin ich mehr als ich sehe? Ich hoffe nicht. Ich will immer zu mir treu bleiben, und mich nie als etwas anders vorzeigen. Hoffentlich verstehst du das auch.
;-)

This is the end...

2007-08-24T15:04:00.000-04:00

This is officially the last weekend of my summer break, and I don't want to do anything. I've been ferociously knitting like my life depends on completing all my projects before school starts. By the way, sooo not going to happen! I have been trying to get some Christmas presents out of the way to avoid the mad dash to the store to try to find something in our price range that our family members will like. I really do like giving homemade gifts, and not just because of the price factor involved. Is it super cheesy to say that I feel like presents are more special if they are made for people? Well, pass the gouda, 'cause I love to make presents. I think that Andy thinks I'm turning into an old lady already though because I'm already starting to think about Christmas. I don't really get why. I mean, I think about, contemplate, plan for, and work toward goals that are in the super-distant future all the time; this only seems natural now. Yeah, I am getting up there though. I'm about to have my first 29th birthday, and the year keeps creeping slowly toward that date. What is a girl to do?
As the summer comes to a close, I'm tempted to reflect on what in the world I really have done with my time besides knit. Sooo, to make myself feel better, I will make a short list:
1. Internship at the Cleveland Department of Public Health for 9 weeks, with a pretty cool project to show for it at the end too.
2. Jennie Devoe concert at the winery with many cool friends from all over.
3. Read 3 books from my to-read list.
4. Read Harry Potter 6 & 7!
5. Entertained visiting family, & had a great time doing it.
6. Spent loads of quality time with my favorite freckle-faced man!
7. Moved to a new house.
8. Made-over my Myspace page.
OK, so maybe I'm starting to stretch a little with that last one, but I do feel better already. I've also spent time with some of my friends here more than others, although I blame having roommates on that. Having roommates gives you the illusion of being social while still staying at home & sitting on the couch. Yes, it is nice to have other people to talk to besides just Andy all the time, but once you live with them it no longer counts as social intercourse. Sad really, but true.
As I bid adeu to the summer, I will welcome Fall with open arms. Maybe I'm just thinking that because today is like 95 degrees outside & oppresively humid! Fall is my favorite season anyway, & not just because I love my fall clothes & the colorful leaves. Hopefully this fall will bring good news, as I progress further in my studies. With that ridiculous masters exam under my belt & funding secured from the department for the next 2 years, I should be breathing a big sigh of relief. I also just found out that I'm going to be a TA for a class in the public health department, which means that I get to earn more free classes. Hooray for free school! Loving it! It is nice to know that my hard work doesn't go unnoticed, and to even be recognized for it.
Now I'm going to go enjoy my last weekend of the summer!
:-)

Did you know?

2007-08-13T10:47:00.000-04:00

I thoroughly enjoy learning all kinds of things about my new-ish last name.
For example:
My German friends told me about a tv show about a family of the same name.
Also, wikipedia has some stuff that, while only somewhat similar, still is interesting.
Best of all, I googled myself---Which everyone should do if only for shits & giggles!
Who knew all that stuff would come up that is actually about me! Craziness!
The first hit that wasn't actually about me, was pretty cool too!
:-)
This week I'll be trying to finish some projects (knitting & otherwise) that I've been working on all summer. School is quickly approaching, and I will soon have no time for fun. I'm also really looking forward to this weekend because we are having Hoosier guests--Andy's parents & my mom & stepdad! Should be a riot!
I'll try to post again this week though--got some stuff on the back burner.

Please DON'T!!!

2007-08-07T15:38:00.000-04:00

Grrr, I really don't like it when I get forwarded e-mails like this one:

> This is very interesting and just a bit scary ... >

>       The Muslim religion is the fastest growing religion per capita
in
>the United States , especially in the minority races!!!
>
>       Allah or The Lord Jesus Christ? ... By Rick Mathes
>
>       Last month I attended my annual training session that's
required for
>maintaining my state prison security clearance. During the training
session
>there was a presentation by three speakers representing the Roman
Catholic,
>Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of their beliefs.
>
>       I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to
say.
>The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete
with a
>video.
>
>       After the presentations, time was provided for questions and
>answers.
>
>       When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and
asked:
>"Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that most Imams
and
>clerics of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war] against the
infidels
>of the world and, that by killing an infidel, (which is a command to
all
>Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If that's the case,
can you
>give me the definition of an infidel?"
>
>       There was no disagreement with my statements and, without
>hesitation, he replied, "Non-believers! "
>
>       I responded, "So, let me make sure I have this straight. All
>followers of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of
your
>faith so they can have a place in heaven. Is that correct?"
>
>       The expression on his face changed from one of authority and
command
>to that of "a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the

>cookie jar."
>
>       He sheepishly replied, "Yes."
>
>       I then stated, "Well, sir, I have a real problem trying to
imagine
>Pope John Paul commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or
Dr.
>Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the same in order to guarantee
them
>a place in heaven!"
>
>       The Imam was speechless!
>
>       I continued, "I also have problem with being your 'friend' when
you
>and your brother clerics are telling your followers to kill me! Let me
ask
>you a question. Would you rather have your Allah, who tells you to
kill me
>in order for you to go to heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to love you

>because I am going to heaven and He wants you to be there with me?"
>
>       You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam hung his head in
shame.
>Needless to say, the organizers and/or promoters of the
'Diversification'
>training seminar were Not happy with Rick's way of dealing with the
Islamic
>Imam and exposing the truth about the Muslims' beliefs.
>
>       In twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the U.S.
To
>elect the President! I think everyone in the U.S . should be required
to
>read this, but with the Liberal justice system, liberal media and the
ACLU,
>there is no way this will be widely publicized.
>
>       Please pass this on to all your e-mail contacts.
>
>       This is a true story and the author, Rick Mathes, is a
well-known
>leader in prison ministry.
>
>       The Man who walks with God always gets to his destination.
>
>       If you have a pulse you have a purpose.

For the record: I think this is bullshit!  Yeah, that's right, bullshit!
PLEASE DON'T SEND ME THINGS LIKE THIS!!!!!
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: Fear always springs from ignorance.
And I whole-heartedly agree.
To be sure, being ignorant is not a crime, but to me there is nothing worse than
being willfully ignorant and/or apathetic!!
We are so busy being afraid of things that we don't understand that we don't
take the time to try to learn about them.
I don't get it!  Don't you understand that there are many things in the bible
that if taken out of context would sound horrendous too?
This all gets back to another of my favorite quotes from George Carlin who said,
"I'm completely in favor of the separation of church & state. My idea is that
these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them
together is certain death."
I couldn't agree more.  If you would prefer to live in a theocracy, than please
start your own country.
Last but definitely not least, even if you don't agree with me, which is a definite
risk of writing such an incendiary blog, you have to agree that "Skepticism is
the beginning of faith" (Oscar Wilde) and blind acceptance of what is told to
you is the first step toward willful ignorance.
:-)
PS: Do you really think the media is liberal?  I just think the media are
sensationalists that will say anything to get you to stay tuned in to their programs.
But what do I know anyway?

Return of Saturn...

2007-08-05T15:17:00.001-04:00

Saturn is the 6th planet from the Sun & takes approximately 29 Earth years to complete an entire orbit around. Saturn is also a God in Mythology. In Astrology, which for the record I don't take much stock in, Saturn returns to the same house as it was in when you were born around your 29th birthday. Thus ages 28-30 are called the Saturn Returns era of your life. Supposedly this is the time in your life when you go through a major transition and start to question your place in the world. I find this really fascinating considering that ancient humans were considered elderly at the same age. Does that mean that they never really had the quintessential human existential crisis that seems to define us so much? Who knows? Anyway, I was thinking about this stuff because I'm in a bit of a reflecting mood lately as my 29th birthday approaches. What do I really want to be doing? Is my life really the way that I want it to be? Where the hell did this sense of urgency come from?
I feel like somehow I'm in the middle of a bridge & can't see the other side as hard as I try. Is this my fork in the road when I have to decide? I really think that we have these metaphorical forks in the road with every single tiny decision that we make all day every day, so that can't be it. Andy even asked me if I was getting a seven-year-itch, which is pretty laughable considering the fact that we've only been together for 5 & I adore him more every day. <> I do seem to have come to a fissure within myself that I need to cross and/or decide which side to go with. Hmm, we'll see how that goes. Doubt fills my head of course, and I wonder what is in store for my future. Why do I feel such a need to plan it all out?
DAMN YOU SATURN!!!!
As Gwen would say:
And I never had this taste in the past
New, you're so new.

Words I Live By:

2007-08-04T13:43:00.000-04:00

“There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.” –Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.”--Martin Luther King, Jr.

“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.”

--Mark Twain

“Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”—Buddha

“When I gave food to the poor, they called me a saint. When I asked why the poor were hungry, they called me a communist.”--Dom Helder Camara

“Believing, with Max Weber, that man is an animal suspended in webs of significance he himself has spun, I take culture to be those webs, and the analysis of it to be therefore not an experimental science in search of law but an interpretive one in search of meaning.”

--Clifford Geertz

“As the traveler who has once been from home is wiser than he who has never left his own doorstep, so a knowledge of one other culture should sharpen our ability to scrutinize more steadily, to appreciate lovingly, our own”

--Margaret Mead

“Through travel I first became aware of the outside world; it was through travel that I found my own introspective way into becoming a part of it”--Eudora Welty

“The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.”--Maya Angelou

“We are, each of us angels with only one wing; and we can only fly by embracing one another.” Luciano de Crescenzo

“As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do.”

--Zachary Scott

“He who likes cherries soon learns to climb”--German Proverb

“Re-examine all that you have been told... dismiss that which insults your soul.”

--Walt Whitman

“My idea of feminism is self-determination, and it's very open-ended: every woman has the right to become herself, and do whatever she needs to do.”--Ani Difranco

The Academy & My Ovaries

2007-08-03T10:14:00.000-04:00

As I tumble ever deeper down the rabbit hole of academia, I've started to contemplate some things that I didn't think would be real issues for me. My whole family knows that I always wanted to be the favorite aunt & not have any kids of my own. Well, I may have changed my mind about that. Yes, I'm a woman; I'm allowed to do that. I'm painfully aware of how my choices now will change the course of my future, and that tick tock keeps getting louder!
Graduate school has brought some interesting insights into my life.
1. Just because I don't have a "job," doesn't mean I'm not working my butt off!
2. I'm not going to learn EVERYTHING in grad school.
3. It's all up to me how this goes from here on out.
4. I'm racking up some serious debt!!
& last but not least:
5. My life can't really still be on pause.
You know that feeling that everyone has at one time or another that you're really just preparing for something better & bigger later...later...later. There is a great scene in Dazed & Confused about this exact thing----- riding in the car:

Cynthia: God, don't you ever feel like everything we do and everything we've been taught is just to service the future?
Tony: Yeah I know, like it's all preparation.
Cynthia: Right. But what are we preparing ourselves for?
Mike: Death.
Tony: Life of the party.
Mike: It's true.
Cynthia: You know, but that's valid because if we are all gonna die anyway shouldn't we be enjoying ourselves now? You know, I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now, as some minor insignificant preamble to something else.

Yeah, I memorized that movie in high school! So much fun...
Anyway, back to my little graduate school rant for the day...
I'm just a little frustrated right now. That's all. Trying to find that oh so delicate balance between my ovaries screaming at me once a month that I should be trying to procreate & my ambitions to actually get my PhD & even a job later. I don't know what to do, but my real problem comes when Andy doesn't know which side to pick. Poor Andy, always having to try to decipher which mood I'm in--career or family--not to mention the money factor in all of this.
Why can't I just be the "Perfect Woman" and have everything I want?
Why is it that I feel like I'm going to have to make a decision when I really want it all?
Why is do I feel that our culture is so messed up to put family behind everything else so often that we forget that family is really one of the most important facets of our lives?
We should be supporting families, not making it more difficult for them. We should encourage intelligent people to have more babies & raise them to be engaged citizens.
Did you see Idiocracy?
Seriously!
Can you buck the very system that seems to hold you down? Change it from within?
Is logic working against me here? Because that's what it feels like sometimes.
What the **** do I know?
Well, if I've learned nothing else in grad school, I've learned that I know NOTHING!!!
It took the Europeans having a negative growth rate to get them to be more family friendly.
I don't think that's gonna happen here, we'll see.

Condoms, Vocabulary Words, Epicurious Adventures, and other random thoughts

2007-07-25T10:31:00.000-04:00

Condoms used to abound in my life. No, seriously, I used to have boxes of them in my room/house at all times both for personal use & for distribution as I saw fit. Yes, I was a sex educator, & got to show people how to use condoms. I also got the pleasure of debunking some myths about condoms such as how big they really can get. I have been known to put a watermelon in a condom, blow one up on my head, & even fill them with water. Sooo much fun if you ask me. Condoms are really an amazing invention, although it does worry me how much people think that they protect you from everything. This is just not true, & perhaps a rant for another time. Anyway, they can help you stay healthy, like some other regular things you should be doing.

Last night was our weekly date night, & Andy surprised me by taking me to an Ethiopian restaurant. I'd always wanted to try Ethiopian food, so it was a real treat. I even got to amaze Andy with my knowledge of why there was no silverware. (Amazing him with my knowledge of anything anymore gets to be pretty challenging.) He was really surprised to learn that I've always had Ethiopia on my list of places that I'd like to travel to. This is mainly because of a Lonely Planet podcast that I listened to a while back where they talked about how different it is and all the crazy historical sites that are there. I'm fascinated, but naturally it will stay on the back burner for now. We'll keep our adventures to the epicurious variety.

Other fun news: I learned a new English word. Yes, "QUIXOTI C" is my new vocabulary word & I really do like it. I've been trying to find reasons to use it. Any suggestions? Maybe I can fit in one of my other favorite words in the same thought... hmmmm...

Other fun news:
EVERYONE HATES HUMMERS!!! Yes, it's not just me!
I might get to test drive a Smart Car this weekend!
Beware of Botulism!
Is it wrong for me to buy a notebook with a picture of Orlando Bloom on the front?

Body Blitzkrieg & other musings

2007-07-18T21:55:00.001-04:00

First things first, let me apologize for not writing in such a long time. We moved into a new place & I've pretty much been trying to slack as much as possible given that the summer is finite.
The internship went well & my last day is tomorrow. I'm not sure I finished the project completely, but honestly the cubicle was killing me! I just got so bored, & ended up spending far too much time surfing MySpace instead of actually working like I was supposed to be doing.
Before I get too far into my rant for the day, let me say that I've been daydreaming far too much---thinking about the way things could have been if I had acted differently. While I realize this is a truly pointless endeavor, I still find my synapses meandering down these paths sometimes. Funny how my brain seems to do exactly what I don't want it to do. I blame MySpace & my incessant need to share impertinent information with practical strangers.
<<<A big HELLO to my high school crush Dave!>>>
Not to sound jaded at all, because that I definitely am not! Just the typical head-in-the-clouds kind of girly imaginings that you might expect from me if you know me--fueled of course by the discovery of my yearbooks in my Mom's garage!
But that's not what I meant to write about at all!

I want to write about the struggle to not become too body obsessed while at the same time conducting a blitzkrieg assault on this out of shape form that is mine.
We moved in with another couple--No, not because we're swingers, but because we're cheap & trying to save money for a house!
Anyway, he is a trainer & she is a size 4. If that isn't inspiration to exercise, then I don't know what is!
I never really considered myself to be really Rubenesque. Even though some might put me in the Three Graces painting by Peter Paul Rubens, I would never have thought myself similar. Women's bodies are works of art! One of my girlfriends had these really great picture-cards that she would leave notes to me on that were "bodyscapes" & I always thought that they were so beautiful. The female body is made to be aesthetically pleasing, & I like to think that mine really isn't that bad. I got some curves & Andy loves them---so long as he finds me sexy, I really could care.
When I realized that I couldn't run a mile without fainting, I decided that maybe it was time to do something about this body of mine though. PPPPplease, as if I'm going to go to the swimming pool with ol' size 4 laying next to me! It was about time. Sooo, I'm back on to my Yoga routine & I've been trying to get some form of physical exercise every day. Today I even went running---well, I was going to run until I realized that I'd left my glasses on & they aren't so athletic activity friendly. I used to be an athlete damn it. I used to have hot runner legs & I want them back-->for ME!!

I don't want to be one of these anorexic body-obsessed ladies! I know I've written about them before, but really they scare the shit out of me. I can't believe the way that some women think of nothing else & think that nothing will make them happy unless they can be THIN. I don't care what you say, BONES ARE NOT SEXY!!! They are even putting up so-called "thinspiration" videos on YouTube now! I much prefer this one about the real consequences of eating disorders, but that's just me. I also can't wait to watch the HBO documentary "Thin" about these girls. I don't understand how we get this way. Yes, I understand that as a culture we are taught to control ourselves emotionally & physically, but I just can't see taking it to this extreme. I heard a really great presentation by an anthropologist turned women's studies professor at IU about how treatment programs for anorexia really just tend to re-enforce the controlling behavior so characteristic of the disease because they make the girls report exactly how much they eat & keep meticulous records too. It's really pretty sick.
I just want to be healthy dammit!
I think I'll train for a 1/2 marathon so I can have a goal in mind.
This might be the best idea for me not to get too focused on how I look, but rather on getting fit & training to be an athlete again.

with a soft and sweetly cynical center...

2007-06-06T12:27:00.000-04:00

Cynicism becomes me. No really! I've been trying to remain optimistic, but honestly, the more I learn, the less I can ignore. Does that make sense? I'm in good company if nothing else. I know I can come off all sweet & adorable sometimes, but anyone who has had a remotely political conversation with me will know that only goes so far. AND, if you've read thru some of my old posts on this blog, then this shouldn't come as a surprise. My friend Jon posted a link to these really funny cards just for the cynic in all of us! I laughed until my stomach hurt. Thanx Jon!

In other news, I realized this week that I'm really NOT the center of the universe. Oh wait, I realized that a long time ago. It should become apparent why I felt it necessary to state that in just a few sentences. Soooooo, a good friend of mine sent me an invitation a while ago to a birthday party. Yes, I would love to see her and her family because they live so far away and we don't get the chance very often. BUT, um, the party is going to be a hog roast. So maybe the idea of a giant animal on a stick over a fire doesn't gross you out, but it makes me want to vomit. Just ask my mom what happened the last time I was forced to rub a giant hunk of raw meat. It was not good ok. As previously stated, I do not believe myself to be the center of the universe. However, inviting your vegetarian friend to a hog roast is a pretty FUCKED UP thing to do. I would almost go as far as to say that it is morally reprehensible, but that might be a tad dramatic even for me. So, I get to back out gracefully and thankfully don't have to explain that I would probably start yacking as soon as I saw the poor beast. My dad & stepmom are coming up that very same weekend to visit from Florida. Does this invitation a frenemy make? Well, no...I don't think so anyway. We've been drifting apart for quite a while now, and have always had a very strange relationship. Anyway, I digress. Hog Roast = GROSS in my opinion. So if you are planning to have one...please don't invite me ok!

This whole thing made me think of that "hogzilla" that the boy killed last month in Alabama. That story made me so sad. Pigs are intelligent! Far more intelligent than the drooling canine that you so adoringly keep in your house and would NEVER eat. Funny how a stereotype can get so far out of hand.

Cynicism may be only a passing phase for today, because I cannot see my life being overrun with it. Especially not when things are going oh so well for me.
A good movie about growing up and learning to be cynical: "Before the Fall" (English title) or "Napola" is the German title.

Sicko & Summer Plans

2007-05-23T18:27:00.000-04:00

I think that blood red is the only appropriate color to write this post in today. Along with millions of others, I am anxiously awaiting Michael Moore's new movie "Sicko" about the sadistic and twisted ways of the american healthcare system. If you know me, you know that healthcare is my soapbox that I so often like to stand on and rant. This movie should only add some fuel to my already blazing fire on this subject.

I started my internship at the Cleveland Department of Public Health in the Steps program this week, and I think I'm going to like it. Honestly, I will be sitting in a cubicle attached to a computer and/or reading voraciously and/or attending a seemingly endless stream of meetings. I like the project I'm working on though, and it is nice to actually feel like I'm doing something that is going to make a tangible impact. I'm working on putting together a toolkit for these community health worker volunteers with loads of fact sheets about obesity, nutrition, physical activity, diabetes, and asthma. I'm also working to add in some information about health literacy and patient activation, as well as trying very hard not to make horrific faces when they ask me to help with cultural competency stuff.

Other fun stuff I'm doing this summer:
-Continuing work on linguistic analysis of focus group transcripts for a project on gender violence in South Africa with Dr. Simon & Mosavel in Bioethics.

-Revising a paper to hopefully submit to the journal Culture, Medicine, and Psychiatry or another one. Funny note about this paper: I'm revising it with the help of Dr. Gaines who just so happened to be named the new editor of the very journal to which I'd like to submit it! Ok, so I realize that this exposes my geek flag for sure, but I don't really care!

-I'm also knitting up a storm while watching movies & t.v. (my indulgences).

-Summer reading list--self-composed, to hopefully help me with my qualifying exams later.

-Reading for fun! Yes, because I actually have time to do this, and Elizabeth recommended that I keep it up or else lose my interest in reading for leisure all together.

-Moving to a new place that we're sharing with another couple actually. We're trying to save some money this year, since we now know that we're going to be in Cleveland for a while. Hopefully next year we will start paying a mortgage instead of rent.

Other interesting stuff to check out:
-Dove Campaign for Real Beauty--watch the videos!
-Which song was #1 on the day you were born?

:-)
Hooray for summer!

what goes around comes back around.

2007-04-12T16:01:00.000-04:00

I've turned back into a sullen girl even though there really is no reason for me to be sullen at all. Maybe I'm just having my Sylvia Plath/Elizabeth Wurzel moment in the bell jar right now. If that's the case, then maybe something great will come out of all this ridiculous moping around. Yes, I know, I said it was ridiculous! Because it is! There is absolutely no reason for me to be depressed right now. Seriously, my life is going great! I high passed my comprehensive master's exam & am now officially on my way to getting a PhD. While that is a little frightening & overwhelming, it is also what I wanted. It seems like whenever I get what I want, then this fog of malaise falls over me. I find it extremely difficult to find my way out of it sometimes. We'll see how this goes. Just for kicks I checked out some resources on the internet. I found some information from GSK who makes one of my happy pills. Naturally they promote "treatment" of depression---with their pills of course! I also found some interesting psychological theories about psychopathology and motivational factors out there that I definitely enjoyed reading, whether I actually believe them or not. Maybe I'm still just a strange little girl in my mind wandering about trying to find herself. Maybe I'm just a sulky bitch though. Maybe I would perk up if I could see the sun for just a little while. Oh Cleveland! Help me out here!
While I sit and wait to hear back about going to Turkey this summer, I can't help but listen to a little JT. Love the music, and he's not too hard on the eyes either (even if he has the same name as my brother). One last thing before I go. I did get super excited at the grocery store yesterday when I saw the cover story on Vanity Fair this month! Our friend Bailey worked as a production assistant on the film! I can't wait to see it!

long time gone...

2007-04-02T09:16:00.000-04:00

It's been over a month since I posted, and it has been a little crazy around here. I crawled into a little study hole for a while with my friend Prisca, for our MA exam. Then I went to Florida to visit family with my friend Nadia. When I came back, I got back on the study train with P; until we took the exam that next Friday. It has been a little over a week since the exam, and my brain is still trying to recover. I'm having trouble getting back to my work capacity, and the nice weather isn't helping anything. This is the last month of our semester, so I really only have a few big projects to finish: a chapter titled "Cultural Anthropology & Public Health" to be published in an online textbook, a group project & presentation about organochlorine exposure and reproductive health consequences, and then a 30 pager comparing and contrasting 3 anthropological theoretical paradigms. Shouldn't be too bad. I keep telling myself that the more I get done now, the more I can enjoy the beautiful weather to come. You have no idea how distracting a blue sky can be when you've seen nothing but gray out your office window for months.

This is also the month of big news for me. I already got my first rejection e-mail for the NSF graduate research fellowship, but I was expecting that one for sure. I'm waiting to hear back about the Javits fellowship, the critical language scholarship, and the Eva L. Pancoast fellowship. I'm really only expecting to have a chance on the last 2--we'll see. I should hear news of my test performance (fail, pass, or high pass) this Friday, although I will most likely not get the news until Monday because we're going to Indiana to visit my family for a long weekend. Andy seems to think it will be better that way because as he put it, "you won't be upset all weekend." Thanks for the vote of confidence in my academic abilities Andy!!! I know he was just trying to be supportive, and he really does have a record for sticking his foot in his mouth, so I'm trying not to hold this against him. It is just that I've been walking on pins & needles ever since we took that stupid exam, and I'm having a hard time concentrating or thinking about anything else right now. Yes, you would think that since it is all out of my hands now, that my anxiety might actually go down...hahahahaha. It might help if our whole future didn't depend on these results!
And yes Mom, I know that the exam is just one group of people's measure of whether or not I know what they think I should know and can formulate it in a way that they like. Oh the pressure!

So before I have a panic attack, I'm going to make a nice little list of the great things that have happened in the past month:
1. Saw my family in Florida!
2. Got to lay on the beach and catch up on the L Word with Nadia!
3. Saw my friends who live in Florida: Holly, Denise, Brian, Gael, Deb.
4. Paddled a canoe & swam in the beautiful Weeki Wachee river!
5. Made a fabulously Irish themed vegetarian dinner for 11 friends & family in Florida, complete with cabbage potato bundles, Irish stew, soda bread, and a Guinness chocolate cake with ganash icing!
6. Found out about an awesome new site for recipes!
7. Saw a wild dolphin & some manatees!
8. Attained pro status in Wii tennis & bowling!
9. Found an apartment that we want for next year.
10. Slept in, several times--seriously, that is sooo nice!!!
11. Had some great conversations with my Anthro cohort.
12. Spent some time with my loverly husband.
13. Went to Whole Foods on opening day-->where they sell Ostrich eggs!!
14. Went to a fabulous dinner party @ Stephanie's house.
15. Had some fabulously productive study sessions with my friends Sarah & Meg at Stone Oven, Dewey's, & Arabica.
And I'm sure lots more that I just can't think of right now.

I'm really looking forward to James & Lindsey's wedding May 12th, which should be fabulous as all Melchiors' weddings are! I got a new dress on super-sale at perhaps my new favorite store that I will only be able to shop at on super-sale days: Anthropologie! I think it must be owned by the same people as Urban Outfitters---because the clothes are really similar, and the prices are definitely the same! For the record--I don't just like it because I'm an anthropologist.
Another pair of friends need some congratulating too: Heath & Karen are expecting a baby!!!
Soo exciting-->I've already started knitting gifts! I'm really hoping that it isn't contagious though!

I'm going to attempt some work now...wish me luck.
This is the song that I'll be singing until I hear about my trip:

In like a lion...

2007-03-01T08:12:00.000-05:00

Isn't that right? March comes in like a lion & out like a lamb. Well, I think the groundhog must have been a little right this time, because it is supposed to be in the 40s today. While that probably doesn't sound very warm to many---and certainly not to me in July---it should be a really nice change. I seriously contemplated not wearing a coat today. It is just nice not to have to bundle up against the elements.

Andy starts a new 2nd job today delivering pizzas for Donatoe's. Am I supposed to feel this guilty? Seriously, I feel like such a slacker for not helping out more with the finances. Oh yes, but then I remember the 2 months that we lived off of my loans when Andy was in between jobs last semester...not to mention the fact that this semester we paid off our car with that money. Anyway, I'm trying not to feel so bad. At least I've been actively searching for funding--unlike many in my cohort for some unknown reason. It is interesting to be a bit of an overachiever amongst a horde of overachievers---not to sound smug in any way shape or form. I'm here studying with some amazingly intelligent people. I know that some of them are banking on this huge test we have in 3 weeks to get funding from the department. Obviously, I'm not as optimistic. Also I think I just prefer to be more proactive about it, but that's just my style.

Commentary: I can't believe I still haven't seen An Inconvenient Truth. I think part of what is stopping me is the fact that I already know how bad the environment really is and don't really want to be scared into thinking it is worse. OK ok, so it is a REAL threat---unlike those ridiculous homeland security color thingamajiggers, but too much fear breeds apathy in me a bit. You know, like, the world is soo bad and there is nothing I can do about it...ahh the humanity...blah blah blah. Well, at least there are some people out there actually trying to do something about it! While the academics have been in an uproar for the last 30 odd years about this, it has taken this long for the rest of the country to catch up...oh how little we value the advice of actual experts! Wait a sec...that could be me...oh shit! Ok, so before I have a "what in the world am I doing with my life" meltdown, I'm at least sending a note to my representatives. I'm also making a resolve to travel the path of Dr. Erikson in trying to make my research relevant so that more people will listen to me. Oh such a sad day when you realize that your life's passion isn't even valid in so many other people's eyes.

Other people's eyes...oh yeah...I only mildly care about what other people think about me. That is the best thing I have learned in my lifetime: my opinion of me is the only thing I can control or should really care about. Like my Mama always said, "You don't WANT everyone to like you." Soo wise!! Seriously great advice.
Back to work---ahh the grad student guilt I didn't think I would get. There is always SOMETHING productive I could/should be doing!
Quick news though: I'm bringing sexy back!! Training for a 10K with my coolest friend Stefanie. James (Andy's brother) is having a shotgun wedding to his fabulous girlfriend, nay fiance, Lindsey and we can't wait to be Uncle Andy & Auntie Hillary!

Peephole

2007-02-22T08:36:00.000-05:00

I've been lax about updating my blog because I've seriously been in a study hole for the last week, and I don't see that ending anytime soon. My friend AnneMarie described grad school as a tunnel that is so long that at the beginning it is impossible to see the light at the end. I thought that appropriate, but I'm trying to not be so pessimistic. Like I wrote before, I'm studying my bum off right now for this HUGE test that we have in only 29 days. I've started to look at it differently since speaking to some of the students further along in the program. **I would say older, but I'm either really close to the same age or older than almost all of them.** They all seem to have crammed massively for the big exam, which makes me feel already over-prepared. I can most definitely attribute my study habits to being a foreign language major as an undergrad. You can't cram for a language test and then expect to be able to recall that information well in a conversation or paper. I've found that the best way to keep things in your long-term memory is to study a little bit every day. But I digress...

One of my favorite friends is in Iraq right now, which of course worries me to no end. He is such an amazing person, even if we don't always agree. Recently he wrote a letter to his hometown paper that you might find interesting. I always like to take this huge macro-political mess and boil it down to what is actually happening on an individual basis, and I think Joel did that smashingly. There are now all kinds of books and blogs from the soldiers' perspectives, which I find very interesting---especially since I am living here in the ivory tower right now. Don't get me wrong, I love reading about Anthropology Theory! There are even some good Anthropology blogs out there...in case you are actually interested in perusing. The blogs that I'm really interested in are from the Iraqi perspective. Perhaps that is just the anthropologist in me though...I don't know.

When I was in the 5th grade our teacher had this great bulletin board game for us where there would be a picture posted with a cover over it. The cover had only a little peephole cut into it, and we had to try to guess what the picture was by what we could see through the peephole. This is how I've come to view my perspective in life. We all live in our spaces surrounded by what we know is familiar. If we are lucky enough to recognize that our vision is obstructed and that things are different outside of our realm of knowledge; only then can we dig through all of our own preconceived notions to try and get a glimpse into the way that others live their lives and why. I think that by looking at how other people live, we can learn more about ourselves than we ever thought possible because we are able to see how made up our worlds really are. A professor here once said that all research is inevitably introspection. I'm inclined to agree.

PS--I've started looking at this big test as less of a giant rock that is obstructing my path and more as a hurdle that is necessary to clear before I can move on to the next one. :-)

Happy Snow Day to us!!

2007-02-14T10:21:00.000-05:00

I thought the days of school being canceled for me were over, but apparently all it takes for a university to cancel is a blizzard! Hip hip hooray, because I have enough to worry about without having to figure out how to make it to the bus stop without my boogers getting frozen. I knew it was bad when my class got canceled last night. Andy came to pick me up, and when we got home we had to shovel our driveway just to get IN. Holy schmoly that was a first for me! Oh yes, and Andy got to see my absolute lack of skill in driving through snow piles in our Honda Civic. I believe it was the first time I have ever actually thought that an SUV would be nice to have.

Several of the students in my program are from California & other such warm places, so naturally they were the only ones sending excited e-mails about how we should be outside building snowmen & going sledding. Don't get me wrong, I like to play in the snow as much as the next person, but I would prefer to leave the snow & ice sculpting to the professionals..especially when it feels like negative temperatures outside! I'm just as happy building a virtual snowman thanks very much. I am a bit worried however, because we are supposed to have a job talk tomorrow by a professor that I'm REALLY excited to meet. I'm not sure how that will work if the airport is pretty much closed. She may not be scared away if she does get to come though, since she is coming from Colorado.

As my mother was so keen to remind me, there was a blizzard the year that I was born. So, of course she thought that I was calling to tell her something when I called to check on her yesterday. Yeah right Mom! Seriously, I was disappointed! Did I mention that we are practicing all the time? That's my favorite answer to the incessant, "When are going to have babies?" question. Probably half of the kids I went to high school with were products of that blizzard though.

Today also happens to be Valentine's Day-->my least favorite holiday ever! It is such a crap holiday. Yes, that's right, some people might need to buy things and spend money on each other one day a year to let their partners know that they love them, but I think that is just horrible. Really people, you should show your partner that you love them EVERY DAY of the year, not just when the greeting card companies & chocolate manufacturers tell you that it is an official holiday! No wonder St. Valentine is the patron saint of greeting card manufacturers!!

I don't hate the day completely though. It also happens to be my Dad's birthday! So Happy Birthday Poppy! Have a great day in sunny Florida for me too! :-)

So what will I do today...hmmmm...
I was thinking about some crafty things or maybe even a little party with some friends...but really I should work instead of procrastinating the inevitable! Ok, so I'm going to try to get some things done, which could prove difficult considering Andy is home too. ;-)

A world of possibilities...

2007-02-11T20:40:00.000-05:00

So I have to geek out just a bit on this post...so if you don't like it...TOUGH! JK
A fellow Anthropology student turned me on to this video that a professor from Kansas State University put up on YouTube to see what would happen and to demonstrate a point. I thought it was soo interesting, and I can't wait to read more about digital ethnography. Perhaps I might be able to incorporate some more technology into my fieldwork---ahhh, the benefits of doing urban anthropology. There really is a world of possibilities out there for Anthropologists, and I'm excited to get to be a part of it!

I really am getting a little ahead of myself, but I can dream can't I? I've been studying very hard for our MA exam that we don't even have until the end of March. Ah, yeah, so it will probably be April before I know how I did on it. I knew grad school induced anxiety, but really I didn't need the help on that end anyway. Thank GOD for my friends here that are keeping me a little sane!

We've all been a little extra busy around the department because we have been hosting job talks in the search for a few new professors. We had two last week, one this week, and another next week---and probably at least 2 more after that. The talks are really interesting, and I enjoy just getting to see the whole process in fact. The problem is that they are always on Tuesday or Thursday, which just so happen to be my very busy days with classes. A little example of one of these days will be extremely informative:
8am-arrive at school and study in my office until about
1pm-when I go to class
2:30-I run to the other side of campus for another class and at
4:00-I run back to the opposite side of campus to barely arrive in time for the
4:15-6pm-Job talk.
From 6-7:15-I have class again, and then
from 8ish-10ish-I'm at the chair of the department's house for a candidate reception.
I then go home, try to study/organize for an hour, watch the Daily Show, and go to bed. The next day I am back at school by 8, and then having lunch **for free** with the candidate.
For anyone that thinks that the life of a graduate student is easy and glamorous; we gotta talk!
I AM super excited to meet the candidate this week though!!! She does some work in Germany and speaks fluent German!!! Yeah!! My kind of lady!

This is the week is also exciting because I get to finally find out how to apply to go to Turkey this summer! I've been chomping at the bit since September! How sad is it that I'm excited just to find out how to apply to the program? I know Andy will be excited if I get to ditch him for 2 months. Yeah right! He might even get to move while I'm gone! Poor Andy!

One last little video link that Andy sent me. I think he was trying to make fun of me because I bought a squeegee for the shower. Maybe you will laugh too!

How come we only ask ourselves the really big questions when something bad happens?

2007-02-04T11:29:00.000-05:00

When I checked the weather this morning I almost cried! I can't believe that the high is in the single digits! I wonder what my classmates who are from California are thinking.
Freezing weather makes me think about homeless people here in Cleveland and elsewhere, and what it must be like for them. Why haven't I donated our old winter coats yet? One of my friends here is even involved in the health care for the homeless project here in Cleveland. Hmmm, perhaps we will remedy that.

This makes me imagine and ponder my existence...

When visiting one of my mom's old hippy-dippy friends, I heard him spout pessimism reminiscent of Nietsche and I was soo disappointed. I don't think of the world like that. Yes, maybe it is my youthful Kierkegaard-ian optimism, but I really hope that I don't lose that ever.
It is true that in my darker days I used to think that the world was a random and cruel place in which I could never make a difference, but then I saw I Heart Huckabees. Well, not exactly, but that movies is really great for anyone thinking about these sorts of existential questions. It started in me when I read Victor Frankel's "Man's Search for Meaning." As an Anthropologist I cannot say that I see universal applications of psychology this way anymore, but specifically applied the theories are interesting to tumble around in your brain for a while.

I think I will throw on some comfy pants, one of Andy's big sweatshirts, some warm socks, and my slippers; I got lots of reading to curl up and do today. At least most of it is Anthropology theory, so my head can stay in this existential/analytical cloud for as long as I want. I might go watch the superbowl with my friend Nadia later today---mostly so we can watch the commercials and knit during the game. :-)
Ok, but as a hoosier, I have to say GO COLTS!!!!

Happy Groundhog Day!!

2007-02-02T08:36:00.000-05:00

And oh what a happy day it is here for me here in Cleveland!!! Phil didn't see his shadow today!!! As long as I don't wake up to Sonny & Cher tomorrow**, it should be an early spring!
Interesting, considering what the weather report is for this weekend here--extremely cold temperatures and more SNOW!!

The weather men here are really funny. I always see their 30 second bit ads for the 11pm news, and they are soo melodramatic! Well, now that I think about it, the news in general is very melodramatic. I saw one of those ads with my friend Stefanie the other night, and we actually started laughing out loud. I don't even remember what the ridiculous report was on, but I do remember Stefanie's hilarious remark afterwards. She exclaimed, "and did we mention that there are BLACK people involved!" Oooooo, scary stuff! I find this especially hilarious considering that the actual city of Cleveland is more than 50% African-American.

Ah racism...have I talked about this one before? Let me just say quickly that I do not believe in "race." Never have. Maybe it was my hippy parents' upbringing, but I never learned what difference the color of people's skin makes besides outward appearances. This has only been reenforced over the years, and especially since coming to grad school. We read an awesome artical by Dr. Gaines called Race: Local Biology and Culture in Mind. Great reading if you are interested at all in the issue. A nice little sum for you just in case: Racial categories are cultural constructions with no biological basis what-so-ever; there is more intra-racial genetic diversity than inter-racial genetic diversity. Interesting stuff.

Soooo, back to studying for me. Keep me in your thoughts dear readers. I'm going to be a study-hound until March 23rd when I have my MA exam the results of which decide if I get to go on for my PhD here or not. No pressure or anything! :~O ahhhhhhh...
Oh the life of a graduate student!

**If you didn't get my joke, then you must see one of my favorite movies of all time: Groundhog Day with Bill Murray. Classic stuff!

"I'm sure in 1985 plutonium is available on every corner drugstore, but here in 1955 it is a little hard to come by. "

2007-01-31T21:17:00.000-05:00

In completing my assignment for tomorrow, I've found some really interesting stuff that I want to scream about from my rooftop...but I'll settle for my meager blog. Our assignment was to come up with the top 10 technological innovations that will change health in the next decade. I wasn't really keen on the idea, and actually thought Andy might have to help me. Unfortunately, Andy was no help, but at least I always have handy-dandy Google!
My list--in no particular order:

-Digital storage of medical information--I'm not sure how I feel about the info chip being implanted in my hand with all my information**, but at least putting the information on a network in a digital format that can be accessed by medical personnel when needed where-ever in the world would be helpful. **This could have something to do with my psycho-bible-beating 2nd Stepmom who insisted that these were the mark of the beast! Not that I believe that, but I can just think of so many other ways that these could be bad---used as tracking devices, when you get mugged they no longer steal your wallet, but just stab your hand and remove your chip...you know...stuff like that.

-The Lifestraw! I think this is SUCH a great temporary solution to the issue of contaminated water--not that it will fix the entire problem, but it is a start for sure.

-The water harvesting rainmaker: holy schmoly this thing has AWESOME potential for a resource that could be scarce in the near future.

-Pharma-inventions/ Patents running out. No more patents, drugs get cheaper, and more people have access to life saving substances--and I'm not talking about Viagra/Cialis!

-Robotic Helpers--like the exoskeleton & rehabilitation suit. These would bring a whole new meaning to disability...interesting implications.

-Telemedicine---no more transportation issues for the 1/2 of the world that lives in rural areas where doctors are all too often scarce.

-Patchwork for speedy recovery--although I can see this going bad too, but the insurance companies would love the turn-over rate after surgeries for sure!

-Cloning Technology/Genetic Engineering--No, this area will NOT be the cure all that was originally thought, but I still see strides forward helping us immensely at least from the top down.

-Biomedical Informatics Grids--Andy will love this one! The free exchange of ideas and information is a GREAT way to advance technology. Hmm, but how do we get rid of the psycho-competitive scientific incentives to be first?

-Virology/Immunology advances: Gardasil is only the first step! Hopefully we can harness Salk's vaccination idea some more!

One last thing before I sign off---in the course of my investigation for technological advances, I found out that they may have cured cancer this month! Interesting...I didn't hear anything in the news about it--even on NPR! There has been some debate, and you can even look at the source of the research if you would like. We'll see if it all pans out, but wouldn't you think that there would at least be a mention of the possibility somewhere in the mainstream media? Is the Economist mainstream? I know that I live in grad school land, where the news filters in oddly though. Anyone else hear of this yet?

"I guess you aren't ready for that yet, but your kids are gonna love it."

It's snowing Charlie Brown!

2007-01-30T21:12:00.000-05:00

It is only appropriate that I write in ice blue right now. The weather outside is seriously frightful...hmmm, if only we had a working fireplace and they actually canceled class. Hahahahaha! I am truly learning the meaning of lake effect snow now. It isn't that we weren't prepared or expecting this, but it still takes quite a bit of getting used to. I do have a very good pair of snow boots now, and having dry feet has been really key in keeping warm throughout the day. Today, as I was making my way to the bus stop, I could barely make out the walk/don't walk sign on the other side of the street. It was crazy. The fact that my glasses had fogged up so badly that I had taken them off didn't really help matters.

While I find driving in the snow actually fun--because of a fun trick some Canadian friends taught me with the emergency brake--most people don't like it at all. I should however, modify my statement to say that I like driving in the snow when there aren't any other cars around. I really don't drive all that often anyway! I typically take the bus to school 3 days a week, & get a ride with my rad friend Stefanie the other 2. Sooo, today I was riding on the bus going down Cedar Ave toward where it meets Fairmount. Almost every day, the bus has to change lanes before the bottom of this hill where the intersection is, and every day I always cringe thinking of the pain in the ass that it must be for the bus driver! Today was no different, except for as the bus driver was braking to wait for a chance to change lanes and to avoid smashing into the mail truck directly in front of us---I felt the bus sssllliiiiddde! For about 30 seconds I was convinced that I was going to have my Frida Kahlo moment.

What I really wanted to write about today was a different observation that I made while at the bus stop one day last week. My bus stop is on the same block as a big high school, so I'm always seeing these kids around which somewhat baffles me as to why they aren't in school...but I digress. I saw these two boys standing on the sidewalk smoking a cigarette, and I was struck by their pants. These boys had the look of Charlie Brown! Their pants were sagged down so low and their shirts were so long, that it looked like their legs were ridiculously short. You know what I'm talking about! I've never understood why you would want to wear your pants that way, but now I am stuck wondering how in the world they keep their pants in the same place. Seriously!? I could see one of the boys belts down where I could only guess his knees were supposed to be. So my questions:
1. Why would you wear your pants like that?
2. How do you keep them like that?
3. Do they make the pants with the crotches that low so that you can look like you are sagging but can still cover all your private parts?
4. Where did this get started?
and lastly:
5. Who thinks that that looks good?
Oh yes, and does this make me old since I don't understand? Well, Virginia has something to say about how low you wear your pants. I'm not sure that legislation is the answer. That brings me back to the whole criminalization of everyday life argument...and I'm not sure where I stand on that one quite yet.
Well, back to the mundane life of a graduate student for me!
I won't be writing so much between now and my HUGEMONGOUS exam that I have March 23rd. I am trying to cram all the information that I possibly can into my brain right now, and I'm pretty sure that there will be two pinnacle moments: First when I can't believe that I finally understand all the material that I have to be able to process and regurgitate in such a way as to not sound regurgitated and then when I realize that I have reached a breaking point of choosing which way I want to lean on the scale of academia. I'll keep you posted as to what I decide naturally. I now retreat back to my knitting and watching the Daily Show!
xoxoxo dear readers!
PS--I have found some fun things to do in Cleveland, and even went out dancing a couple weeks ago! I had sooo much fun showing my companions how to dance to the "techno" that they were playing. :-)

I'm proud to be an American!

2007-01-21T18:15:00.000-05:00

Well...kinda proud. Andy sent me this video that made me not so proud! It reminded me of Jay-Walking, but with an Aussie twist. I enjoyed it for sure! Seriously, God Bless the USA! You gotta love a place where anorexic celebrities makes more headlines than the actual heroes out there making progress. What do I know anyway?

This morning my husband surprised me...kinda...
Andy awoke at 6am to drive to Best Buy and wait in line for a Nintendo Wii! Yes, we are now in the possession of one of these much coveted items. It is really fun for sure, but all the madness reminds me of Black Friday insanity! Yes, I know that is actually for buying Christmas presents, but the stories that Andy came back with were hilarious! He said that people were throwing fits and trying to push their way in to get one of these things! Hahahaha! Is your life really that empty that all you want to claw and push your way to get is a THING?!?!?! Hmm, wait, my husband was one of those people today! It did make me a bit upset when Andy came home and said to me, "I feel sorry for those people that didn't get there in time; they're going to have to wait like another month to get one." Holy shit, a whole month...get a grip!

Speaking of having pride in our country, the Germans are trying to wipe out the remnants of what happened when they had a little too much. Displaying the swastika isn't only a Nazi thing, which is why they are running into trouble with this proposed ban. WTF people! Why do the Europeans not support this whole freedom of speech thing? Is the display of a symbol covered by that? I mean, if it means that protesters can hold up signs of aborted fetuses here...

Last little bit...I saw a new bumper sticker that I LOVE today! I WANT ONE!!
PS--I do love playing on the Wii!

God the Scientist

2007-01-08T13:13:00.000-05:00

My new show that I like to knit to is CSI. I've always been a BIG Law & Order fan, so it really isn't that big of a jump to CSI. Before Christmas I saw a CSI that got me to thinking though. In this episode the evidence points to several suspects, but one of them confesses to the crime. One of the CSI team was obsessed with following the evidence even after the confession. The kid that confessed had confessed to beating his brother to death with a lead pipe while he was sleeping--seriously gruesome stuff. The issue was that there was blood spatter on a sweater that was found at the crime scene. To figure it all out, the team actually had 3 people of the same size as the suspects all beat a dummy to compare the spatter patterns with those on the sweater found at the scene. OK, so I understood why they wanted to do all these tests to make sure that the correct person was punished for the crime, but this got me to thinking. I started thinking about how in our culture we view science as extracting the indisputable truth. I'm not sure this is a great idea. Maybe I've just read too much of Dr. Gaines' work now, but I don't buy it. Truth is too subjective a thing sometimes. Please don't get me wrong, I think that science is a great thing. My question lies more within the idea that the ONLY way to get to the whole Truth is through science. In that CSI episode they refused to believe the boy's confession because his version of the story was only one of the plausible contexts presented by the evidence. The boy told the truth. Period. This just got my gears turning is all.

I DO think that too often we try to see science as God, and I just don't view it that way. I've heard even that some scientists view their work as the pursuit of God or at least the understanding of God and where we came from. Is science the new philosophical pursuit of the divine? It is interesting to think of looking for God in the things that were supposedly divinely created and/or inspired. I think that if God can create such magnificent, beautiful, adorable, and delicious things, or at least can inspire/spawn the processes to create these things, then maybe a good place to look for the divine is within. Personally, I've always viewed God as some type of multi-disciplinary scientist looking down and studying us. I think God would be part Biologist, Physicist, Psychologist, Chemist, Anthropologist, Geologist, Astronomer, Sociologist, and Artist! Then again, what do I know anyway?!?!?

Not that I believe in astrology at all, but I am a bit intrigued by the idea of the return of Saturn to the same place as when I was born. Hmmm, can you tell I'm a bit philosophical lately?
On the same planetary talk... I was interested to find out how well I know the names that we have designated for certain partitions of this planet. See how you do.
I'll try to write again soon...maybe a bit more concrete next time though...

New Year= New Beginnings

2007-01-05T12:57:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve has always been one of my favorite holidays. It was nice to not have to worry about whether or not we would have to work that night or the next day this year. Hooray, it actually feels like we might be grown-ups now! Oh shit, does that mean that we have to act like it? I certainly hope not.

I have to say that I had a great time while I was at home despite John's retinal detachment fiasco. I LOVED seeing some of my friends from high school. A BIG congrats to Tree & Derek who got engaged! I'm sooo happy for you guys. We will welcome you into the old married farts club with open arms, especially since you passed the New Year's test with flying colors. I loved hooking up again with my awesome friend Nellie. She is an amazing person, and her 3 daughters are sooo beautiful. I only wish I got to see her more often, but we'll see what we can do about that. Her life made mine seem ueber-simple, and that was a really great reality check for me. Amazing what a little perspective can do to make your life seem not so bad after all!! Yes, my biological clock is still ticking away, but I don't think we are ready right now! You should have seen Andy's face when I told him that we should start going for it in about a year. I thought he was going to pass out! It was great!

The New Year always brings with it the hopes for change and renewal. Of course everyone makes their own resolutions, and I am no exception! I am trying to be a little more realistic and interesting than usual though. I want to reduce my energy consumption. I want to live more frugally. I want to get our finances under control. I want to try out new recipes with the things already in our cupboards. I want to continue my knitting studies, and to get more fun/cheap yarn from the internet to make practical things! I want to get one of these photo album thingys! ***Ok, so the last one isn't so much a resolution as a gift that I would like to receive, but I do want to save up for one of these cool things!***

Andy & I just rented "A Scanner Darkly" and can't wait to watch it. We LOVE sci-fi stories, and Philip K. Dick has written some of the best stuff out there. Personally, I like the questions that these stories put out there. The other movie that I can't wait to watch is "What the Bleep Do We Know?" Our friend Bailey recommended it to me a long time ago, and I just haven't gotten around to seeing it. Yeah for existentialist questions and for looking at the bigger picture!

I have to say give a shout out to my two favorite Christmas gifts: the Cuisinart mini & the natural light floor lamp! I asked for both of these things, and my Moms came through! Thanks ladies--You Rock! I've already made salsa & hummus in the mini and I've been knitting under the lamp since I got home!! Great stuff!

Gotta give my little Bro big props for his new bumper sticker!! It says: "You're inadequate. Buy more stuff." I LOVE IT!!!!
[Don't know if he got it from this site, but you can get one there if you would like one too!]

I have a rant brewing right now based on my CSI obsession---Coming Soon!

A very merry Festivus!

2006-12-27T17:01:00.000-05:00

What a Christmas it has been so far! I've been staying at my Mom's house since last Friday, and we're having a ball. We decided to buck tradition this year, and opened our presents on the night we arrived (the 22nd). My friend Liz (see picture below) joined us instead of spending Christmas with her psycho X and their dog. She & Andy stayed through the weekend, and as usual there was an abundance of bloody marys, bourban, and banter! We played some cards and laughed until our stomachs hurt. Liz is officially invited back, if only to make her now infamous potatoes au gratin. Andy, Liz, & I went into Muncie for one evening. We headed to Heurots, which is my favorite Muncie watering hole, for a beer or two. It felt like half the bar was filled with people from my high school. It was really disconcerting and there were some moments of "hmmm, now wait, how do I know that girl." Andy & Liz had to drive back on Monday--Xmas Day--because Andy had to work the next day & she had to fly to Mexico for field work.

Sooo, you might be asking what I've been doing with myself for the past two days. Well, not as much as I should be. I've been sitting around waiting for some old friends to return my phone calls so that I can get off of my parents' couch for a while. I just taught myself to knit, and have now accomplished 5 scarves (in the last 2 weeks). I have watched waaaaay too much tv & too many movies, but that is what break is all about isn't it? I have gotten some reading for school done, but not as much as I had originally hoped. Hmmm, maybe it is a good thing if my old friends don't return my calls anyway. Yesterday we got to go to Indy with my stepdad who had an eye emergency. It seems he had a partially detached retina. They did an in office laser procedure, and I got to take him for the follow-up appointment today. He is going to be fine, but I think he is a bit rattled from the near-blind experience. He took me out to lunch to thank me, and I got to eat my favorite OG meal--ravioli di portobello! YUM! Soo, I think I will go harass Charley the cat until my mom gets home. Perhaps I will be inspired and write a bit while I'm home. It does always make me a bit nostalgic---and then homesick for my own bed too!

Instead of studying for my test...

2006-12-12T11:32:00.000-05:00

Instead of studying for my Epidemiology test, I'm going to write a little on my blog. Mostly to appease my Mom, who I know rabidly checks this blog everyday waiting for me to write something.

We've been having some fun exploring Cleveland a bit--even on our budget. Andy and I go on dates once a week with a $20 price limit. The budget definitely promotes some creativity, but we always find something to do. Last Friday Andy took me to Akron. Yes, while that doesn't sound really so exciting, it was! We ice skated outside, perused some authentic German wares, ate some German food, drank Bier and Gluehwein, and listened to a German band. I really had a great time. I hadn't ice skated in 10 years! Neither of us fell at all, although dodging little wobbling kids was a bit of a challenge at times. Whether Andy knows it or not, every time he takes me around hordes of kids I hear the clock ticking louder and louder. I wish I could shut that thing up for a while!

I'm planning our date for this week, and deciding between two things. I will either take Andy to the Barcelona exhibit at the Cleveland Museum of Art since he is a Dali lover, or to the Christmas Story House and museum which I just found out is in Cleveland. Where do you think I should take him? He would enjoy both for sure.

The news makes me more and more sad now--although a glimmer of hope might be coming with this new coming class of dems in congress. The comparisons between Iraq & Vietnam are becoming ever more frightening. Hello, weren't there people saying these things BEFORE we went in? So why is the media acting like this is all big news and such a surprise? Anyway, what really makes me sick about this war is what we could be spending the money on instead of killing people! I like my favorite philosopher's solution for ending poverty personally!

Ok, so bitching about gargantuan problems is fun, but I like to know exactly what I can do to help contribute to solutions. Unlike some Americans, like the ones who drive HUGE SUVs because they look cool, I know that what I do affects people across the entire world. I know that I vote with my dollar. ***Yes, I am stepping off of the soapbox now***

One last little site that might make you smile: Backwards Bush!
I'll try to write again soon.

What a slacker...

2006-11-29T20:25:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I have taken a little too long to update, and for this I apologize. I've been busy--->such is the life of a graduate student. Seriously, check out my fellow grad student friends Aaron & Nina who update their blogs less than me. The end of the semester is upon me and I've been feeling the crunch. I've also started to get the typical grad student feeling of guilt when I relax. There is ALWAYS something I should be working on. It is really strange. Andy can just come home from work and relax, but it seems like my work never really stops. If that is how academia is, then I don't want to be part of that. I'd like to have a personal life seperate from my professional life please. Sooo, what have I been up to? I went to Seattle for the NAGPS conference. You can check out the pictures from the gala the final night. I had so much fun, learned so much, and met so many other geeky grad students that it wasn't even funny! I truly enjoyed myself and had a GREAT time in Seattle. I believe another visit could be in order. That's a picture of me with my friend Liz who got me the free trip in the first Starbuck's. The officers of the Case GSS are now trying to get me to run for a position for next year...we'll see...
In my free time I like to look for funding, and I was told about a new website.
My diet is getting worse as the semester winds down, and I'm feeling a little jiggly and overwhelmed. This too shall pass...

Andy has a job!!!!

2006-11-12T10:14:00.000-05:00

In all fairness, Andy has had a job almost the entire time we have lived here. He technically now has 3 (and potentially 4) jobs. His newest job starts tomorrow at the Salvation Army HQ in downtown Cleveland where he'll be part of the help desk staff. Yes, he's going to be that computer guy who comes and tells you how to fix the problem in 2 minutes that you just spent an hour trying to decipher for yourself. What I've personally learned from Andy about computer issues:
1. Check Caps Lock and Number Lock to see if they are on.
2. Close unecessary programs.
3. When in doubt, reboot.
Pretty advanced stuff, I know!
This DOES mean that there will be no more playing Evercrack until 3 am on a Wednesday. It could be interesting seeing how he handles this new early morning schedule. The grumpy factor could be a little overwhelming. We'll see.

What's new with me. Well, I think I've now officially made my evil Stats teacher HATE me---and that's just fine with me. He's an asshole. He was joking around with us in class about his new car and how he was enjoying it. Soo, that night I sent him a joking e-mail asking him to post the day's slides when he was done cruising in the Corolla. OK, so e-mail was probably not the best medium for this joke, especially since I make no qualms about the fact that I abhor this guy---to his face---in class. What's funny is that he STILL hasn't posted those slides, nor the lecture after that one. Oh yes, and did I mention that he has yet to hand back our midterm exams that we took 3 weeks ago?!?!?! Such a jerk!! When we turned in the take-home portion of the exam, he told us that he didn't have enough time to grade our in-class portion yet. OK, while that may sound somewhat reasonable-->IT WASN'T!!! This was after a 5 day weekend (that they call "Fall Break") ---Not to mention that there are only 12-15 people in the class, and the in-class portion was all multiple choice. Ahh, so nice to know that there are only a few weeks left in the semester. I will say that I don't just complain in my blog and amongst my fellow grad students---I went to the department and registered a formal complaint. I only wish that I would have done it sooner in the semester. Oh well, live & learn.

I'm trying to get all of my work done for the week so that I don't have too much studying to do in Seattle, but I'm not sure it will work out that way. I did find a great new game to keep my study breaks short.

Before I get back to the grind, I just want to say WooHoo for this past week's election! It was great to vote in a state that doesn't always go one direction. Hooray for Ohio passing a smoking ban too. Now I won't have to censor my going out clothes based on the stink-holding potential! As for what's going on with the immigration debate...well, that's for another blog I think.
Back to studying for me.

2006-11-04T12:53:00.000-05:00

I noticed that I'm becoming worse and worse at keeping up my blog as the semester rolls on. I will blame it on the time crunch, but I will admit that I've had a bit more of a personal life this past month. I have been slaving away revising a fellowship application. A professor who is on leave this year actually reviewed my proposal--which was soooo nice of her. I'm really glad she did because she had some great suggestions and she is the one I would want to work with on the project if I did get the funding. Also a GIANT thanks to my friend Suzanna who had very helpful ideas/comments for me; I especially value them since she knows the topic well that I would be researching. Hooray, I turned it in today.

In other exciting news, I get to go to Seattle for free! Yes, that's right--FREE! I'm going to be one of two representatives from Case at the National Association of Graduate and Professional Students annual national conference in two short weeks. I'll be presenting information about our Graduate Student Senate and basically figuring out how all this stuff works. I'm super excited for the conference and for the inevitable exploration of a new city that will ensue! My one requirement for the trip was that I would get to go up in the Space Needle and to see the flying fish! I was very sneaky, and scheduled my flight so that I'll have a layover in Chicago long enough to have lunch with my friend Liz!

Tonight I'm going out with the German Society @ Case for the first time to Der Braumeister--the only German restaurant in Cleveland! I'm really excited to get to speak some German and to eat some good German food---yes, they DO have vegetarian food too!

We've discovered the local brewery here. They actually have a beer named after the disaster when the Cuyahoga River caught on fire here. Hmmm, does Chicago have a great fire beer? What about San Francisco? Do they have an earthquake themed beer?

We hosted a small wine tasting on Wednesday, which was really fun. We had a Fume, a Pinot Grigio, and a Barolo---in addition to great company and conversation. Unfortunately our new friends are going to be moving in January. This is seriously sad because we like them. Did I mention that they are both vegetarians too? I am looking forward to checking out this website for Ohio wineries because they have these planned tasting journeys specified by region. What a great idea!

Last report: I attended a lumberjack party last night---flannel and suspenders required. Did you know that in Uganda the lumberjacks wear the same clothes as everyone else? I learned that last night when the Ugandans at the party looked a bit confused as to why we were all dressed that way. The party was complete with the Monty Python Lumberjack song (one guy even wore a bra underneath his flannel) , a stump throwing competition, and roasting marshmallows in the fireplace. All in all a good time for sure.

If you didn't read the comment by Uncle Bob on my last post---DO SO! You won't regret it!

Halloween 2006

2006-10-29T15:33:00.000-05:00

Hooray for my favorite holiday: HALLOWEEN!! I dressed up as a tornado & Andy was the Evil Toothfairy. Check out Andy's bloody sack full of teeth and the pliers in his hand! We can't take credit for these ideas though---such the grad student to site a costume idea---they were copycatted. Still, Andy does look pretty hot, and had the skimpiest costume at the party by far! A big thanks to Sarah Rubin who took the picture.

Idiots & Idiotic Fun!

2006-10-28T10:58:00.000-04:00

This week flew by, and I've learned all kinds of new things--->if a week went by when I didn't learn anything, then I would be scared thoughl. Anyway, I've been relaxing and trying to settle into a routine of some sort. It really has been more difficult than I could have imagined. Grad school seems hell bent on breaking my spirit, and I'm trying like hell to not let it. We'll see how that goes. It seems so far to be most difficult to strike a balance between having fun/a personal life & getting all the stuff done that I need to. I feel like either I'm working ALL the time or if I'm not,
I'm slacking. The guilt is a little overwhelming sometimes, but I'm adjusting.

Fun stuff & thoughts of the week:
I found a fun game that is a little more difficult than I would have thought on first glance. Seriously, see how you do.
I heard about this crazy evolutionary theory, and then started wondering which of the two groups my DNA would be contributing to in the future.
I am SOOO excited about the ruling in New Jersey, and overly disappointed (but not surprised) about the idiotic right's reaction! Seriously, why can't we be on the short list of progressive countries? We can laugh at gay people, but we can't include them! WTF?!?!

Sooo, what's on my plate right now? Well, I'm trying to cross off some more things on my list as far as papers, essays, and applications. I'm going to help one of my fellow grad students move across town today. I figure that good moving karma is ALWAYS a good thing to have. We'll also be attending a Halloween costume party this evening full of fellow grad students & hopefully some debauchery as well. Our PG existence here in Cleveland has got to end sometime right?
I'm thinking of copying my great friend Holly and being a Tornado tonight. Maybe I'll put up some pictures. We'll see.

What I can't stop listening to: 2raumwohnung & Goldfrapp! Loving it!
xoxoxoxoxo to all my dear readers.

Study Break!!

2006-10-22T17:42:00.000-04:00

My brain needs a rest for the moment, so I guess I'll write on my blog. I've been reading, planning, studying, and generally stuffing my brain full of information all day. Interesting how I still haven't gotten that much done---or at least that's what it feels like. I should really start celebrating the mini-accomplishments so I don't get too down. Anyway, since I've been polishing up my NSF Fellowship Essays about doing research, I also did a little prodding on the internet to see what if any resources there would be for me here in the Cleveland area should I get the chance to pursue my preferred line of inquiry. There is a Turkish student group on campus that looks like they have some fun, and they are aligned with the Turkish American Society of Northern Ohio. Just good to know that I'll be able to practice the language should I actually get to learn it. Ok, can you tell I've been obsessing about going a little?

I keep trying to figure out a way that will make my research applicable to here, but I'm not sure that we (Americans) are so great at learning from other people's misinformed policies.

And now for a fun song that might make you want to get up and dance--even if you can't understand the words!!

((This of course makes me wonder what songs have ever made it big here in the US that were in another language. I thought of Falco, Richie Valens, and Nena. Can you think of any more?))

**This made my mind wander a bit thinking about Nena and remembering the song that was popular when I was working in Germany: the new version w/ Kim Wilde, the old video in English, and an old performance auf Deutsch. FYI: the German lyrics are MUCH better than the English ones!**

Back to the grind!

Disappointment

2006-10-20T20:02:00.000-04:00

I have now officially had an exam in 3 of my 4 classes, and there won't be any in the 4th. Anthropology was of course good, in Epidemiology I did better than most of the other anthro grad students (which while that is nice, still isn't that great), and then in Stats I was worried about the exam but it ended up at least seemingly easy. That is my most loathed class for sure though, so much so that I have an appointment to complain to the director of the MPH department about it next week. Wow, sounds fun doesn't it.

In other exciting news, I'm on the hunt for calf high boots for the winter. I've always wanted some, and I think it might be time. My preference would be for burgundy non-pointy toed ones, but beggers can't be choosers. But seriously, I went to Payless today and found a great pair. Only problem was that the calf was waaaay too loose. The would be slouching down before I walked to the busstop. I was not happy. When I talked to the salesman, he said that they were making them wider on the top because they had a lot of customers with "big calves." Does that mean that they're big boned or something? When did they stop making boots for regular sized women. I'm as regular sized as you can get: size 10 give or take---but am I anymore. The world (at least here in the US) is starting to cater to the larger of us. While I think that it is great that people can buy products to fit their needs, I still want to be able to buy products that fit my needs too. The guy seriously said the phrase chicken legs in my presence. Ok, ummm, I most definitely do not qualify as having chicken legs regardless of if their stinking boots would stay up on my calves or not!!!!!

Andy has started thinking about what he wants for his birthday, and I think he still wants to get a robosapien. This is a pretty cool toy, but really, who gets toys for their birthday when they turn 27? Maybe my husband though!

We're also thinking about what to be for Halloween. I have 2 different costume parties to go to, and not a clue as to what to be . Maybe we'll do the Alfalfa & Darla again, cause it WAS super cute. My favorite Halloween ever was spent in Madison, WI with my friends Holly & Brian. We saw some amazing costumes, but none could top the twister. It was similar to the one those girls have on, but each guy had one dot of each color on them with the green strategically placed over their packages. Then, naturally, the spinner would ONLY land on green! It was hilarious---especially because I actually played and surprised them by obliging the spinner's request. Oh underage drunken fun...

I see it coming...

2006-10-16T08:53:00.000-04:00

I can see myself traveling further and further down the rabbit hole. Perhaps I'm rather climbing up the sides of the ivory tower. (This naturally makes me think of the NeverEnding Story and the tower where the princess was, but I am in no way comparing myself to a princess!) Anyway, I'm still learning how stuff works around here, but finding some cool stuff along the way. I just don't want to lose my pragmatic perspective that I have come by very honestly. I knew that was a danger going into grad school though.

A friend told me about a really great site for storing & sorting citations for writing. I've started using it mostly because I think I've decided what I want my dissertation to be about already and I've already begun a massive literature search. We'll see though!

I've also been lengthening a wish list in my head---ahem, Birthday & Christmas coming soon!
I would like to get a jump on learning some Turkish.
I also desperately need a filing cabinet and other office/organizing materials--all of this could of course be taken care of with a gift card to Office Depot or somewhere like that. Yes, I've become an organizing freak. I really want a label-maker--which maybe makes me a little Monica, but I don't care! There are much worse things to be!

Goose in Turkey?

2006-10-15T18:43:00.000-04:00

Well, I really don't have that much exciting to say, which is why I haven't written in a while. I had an exciting week filled with tongue-thrashings by idiotic stats teachers--to which I retaliated naturally--& LEARNING! Yes, that IS my full-time job after-all (learning, not retaliation!), and I'm finding more and more that it is a little more than a full-time job. My life gets pretty boring. My indulgences are 5 hours of TV a week: Project Runway (Finale Wednesday!!); Ugly Betty (super cheesy but I'm addicted); CSI (Las Vegas of course--they have the hottest mens); & my Sunday night love: Discovery Channel Atlas (on Brazil tonight :-) sooo excited). Those are my relaxation/turn off the brain times, and I'm coming to cherish them more and more.

I've somehow convinced myself that I'm going to Turkey this coming Summer. It all started when I found out about these Critical Language Scholarships from the State Department, and now I'm hooked. I want to go sooo bad--even though I would of course miss Andy & maybe even my 10 year high school reunion. How could I pass up an opportunity to travel & learn another language on the government's dime? I'm convinced that I should do my dissertation on Turkish girls in Germany & their cultural identity. There has been quite a bit of scholarship on this already, and I'm just beginning to sink my teeth into it! This is what I'm writing up for my National Science Foundation proposal---soooo, I've been busy catching up on the literature! I've also been scouring the web for money, and finding some great ideas. We'll see.
I'm still learning the ins & outs of grad school, including the food etiquette here.

Soo, my Dad used to call me "Hillary Goose". I have no idea where that nickname came from among a sea of other normal ones like "princess." It used to make me think of Top Gun. Anyway, that's where I got the title. No, not some crazy new dish that I wouldn't eat!

Will I get to go to Turkey? Who knows, but it really is fun to dream about it for now!

It's a small world after all

2006-10-10T19:51:00.000-04:00

I've had many a small world encounter of my own. My favorite story is from summer 2005. I was in a museum in Berlin, when all of the sudden I hear a familiar voice. I turn around just to see if maybe it could be, and it was---the annoying old guy who sat in the front row of my geology class and asked inane questions all the time! Wow! Who knew? My friend Susan ran into a German teacher from U of MN in Berlin too. Hmmm, I really wasn't trying to make an argument that all roads lead to Berlin, but if the shoe fits...

But seriously, I found a couple fun sites to keep you busy!

The Oracle of Kevin Bacon--yes, probably what you are thinking.

Small World Project--6 degrees of seperation: the science project

and of course

Project Implicit--a whole bunch of neat quizzes that will teach you things about yourself that you may not have wanted to know.

OK, so maybe you are asking yourself now, "When does Hillary have time to look at this stuff? I thought she was in grad school!" Well dear readers, the answer is that I do try to make a little bit of quality time for myself. The journey of self-discovery never ceases, so I never intend to stop looking inside to figure out who I want to be & who I am--although the picture is getting a little more clear as the years pass.

Beasts, bunnies, & Pentecostals!

2006-10-09T22:40:00.000-04:00

Yesterday Andy & I took a bike ride over to Zagara's---which happened to also be practically the only grocery store that I hadn't been in yet. It was a pretty neat, but a little pricey. It is nice that it is so close though. Anyway, as we were checking out, I saw this little thingy that said "Pay By Touch." I was curious, so I checked it out. Kinda cool because of how easy it is but kinda creepy too---it made both me & Andy think of someone sawing our fingers off to get to our money. (Hahahahahaha, as if we have any money to take!!!!)

This also reminded me of a conversation I had with my 2nd stepmom---or, the most psycho one as my brother & I like to refer to her. The day before she & my dad got married, she & her sister interrogated me as to whether or not I would take the "mark of the beast" if it meant feeding my family...blah, blah, blah. A bunch of Pentecostal evangelical bullshit that I was NOT buying or going to try to argue with the obviously blindly accepting about. **Oh yes, I should mention as well that I was forced to wait on both kind and asshole "Pennies" as we called them in B-town, and they were ALWAYS identifiable by their PHDs as my mom would say (Pentecostal Hair Dos).

Ok, so this got me thinking about the skinheads I saw in Germany--not that many, but I really was looking for them. I saw a few 88s too, and that always weirds me out. There is so much HATE in the world, and I don't understand how any of it was EVER rationalized as Christian. Seriously people! Don't you read? Maybe I was just warped by my hippy parents.

So, to end on a lighter happier note, I will link to 3 places that make my husband smile: B--B--B!!

diets and fellowships and kittens, oh my!

2006-10-08T13:17:00.000-04:00

I read a great article in the NY Times today about the Energy Diet---and it had nothing to do with food! I love it when the media actually talks about something that I'm interested in knowing. Do I really care what exactly Mark Foley said in his IM to his page? NO! Do I care to figure out what exactly my energy demands are and how to lessen them? YES! There is so much interesting & helpful information out there; you just have to look in the right places.

I'm dedicating this week to working on my NSF fellowship proposal. I got some great advice from a fellow case grad student who actually got one of these before. She was sooo amazing for giving me her application materials & some great pointers for mine. I am seriously indebted to her. Now if only I could get Orlando Bloom &/or Viggo Mortensen to come with my fellowship...hmmm.

The other article that caught my attention today was one about hypoallergenic cats. Yes, that's right. There is a company in California (where else would it be?) that has genetically altered kitties so that 99% of people who are allergic to them will not react to these. This is great news for me being that I am a HUGE cat-lover, but also happen to be married to a man who should maybe live in a bubble because of how many allergies he has. Oh yeah, and they only cost $4,000! OK, so maybe I don't love cats THAT much! [This made me think of David Blaine who put himself in a bubble, and I never really understood why.]

Anyway, back to work for me. A little grad school humor for my friends out there!
Oh yes, and the title is for Mom. Love you! Miss you! Register & post a comment!

Time flys

2006-10-05T09:02:00.000-04:00

Time certainly flys when you are having fun. I can't believe it has already been a year since I started this blog. Who would have thought I would still be going long after my friends had bored of writing on theirs?

Interesting stuff for the day:

Damien Hirst! I read about how this artist is in the midst of replacing the shark in one of his works because it was decomposing from the inside out. It was described as $6 million worth of rotting seafood. Yuck! Anyway, I find his stuff pretty intriguing if nothing else.

As I listened to the Lonely Planet Travelcast this morning I became fascinated my the idea of starting my own country. All of this is of course because they interviewed the King of Lovely. Yes, that is a micronation that basically exists on the internet. Who knew? Lonely Planet is coming out with a book about these spots which should prove educational if nothing else. I had heard of Sealand before, but mostly just when people made fun of it. Anyway, from an anthropology perspective this is a really interesting prospect since "culture" is completely constructed by people, why not start your own.

This also reminds me of my favorite project that we ever did in CEP (curriculum enrichment program) in elementary. Our teacher split us into three groups: 1 all girls, 1 all boys, and 1 mixed. We had to make up our own culture---rules and artifacts and all. We got to act them out, and go visit the other cultures to try and figure them out----oh mini-anthropologists! Then we buried our artifacts in little plots, and dug up each others to practice our archaeology. It was great fun---hmmm, maybe that is why I'm in Anthro now...

Nifty

2006-10-04T17:55:00.000-04:00

Exciting stuff from grad school land--I learned about a comic strip that just might be about my life. Not really, but it is a little frightening how accurate it is.
Our department chair also told us about an upcoming job doing ethnographic interviews for this company. I may be checking it out.

Other news, Andy was sent to the wrong job interview by this recruiter, but may end up getting the job he thought he was interviewing for if it opens up next week as planned. Let's keep our fingers crossed.

Yipeeee!

2006-10-03T14:22:00.000-04:00

I got my office today! Nothing special, but it is another place to keep my stuff as George Carlin would say. I've been studying like a mad woman, but for good reason. I have 2 tests this week, and I want to do well!

Andy got a 2nd interview at the place where he doesn't want the job. He would be working from 7pm to 3am. Yikes! You would think they would compensate him for the lousy hours, but the wages are not too great. Still, as he says, "better than slinging never-ending-pasta-bowls at the OG!" I gotta agree with him there. His other big project of the week: trying to make our shitty old windows from when our house was built more energy efficient. Any advice? He got some of that shrink wrap stuff, but the widest they had was 62" and it barely reaches the edge.

That's all the news for now.

What I got going on.

2006-10-01T11:14:00.000-04:00

Hello dear readers---the few of you that there really are. Why don't you comment? Just an idea. You will have to register, but that only takes a minute. I would really like the feedback.

This morning I found out about another neat blog that the first Female Space Tourist was writing. Looking through it, I had to appreciate the female/non-scientific perspective. Gotta love it.
There really are only a few blogs and sites that I like to check in with every now and then. The ones I really like write about the issues very near and dear to my heart: Healthcare Policy, The US Healthcare Crisis, and Public Health action ideas.

In case you are wondering what in the world I will be able to do with my degrees when I get them, you can check out the job postings on the American Anthropological Association website &/or the American Public Health Association website. Incidentally I am now a member of both of these organizations, so I'm not just blowing smoke by sending you over there. I AM a little sick of answering the question, "What are you going to do with that?" I need to come up with a good concise answer. Advice?

Today I will be studying---as usual--and helping Andy prepare for his two job interviews this week. Keep your fingers crossed that he gets either one, although he would prefer one over the other. I'll keep you posted as to how it goes!

Land of Confusion

2006-09-30T21:47:00.000-04:00

On the radio today we heard a cover of the old Genesis song "Land of Confusion." This one was by Disturbed. I was really just impressed that I remembered the video from when I wasn't allowed to watch MTV--holy blast from the past. Oh Mom what you didn't know! This song came out in 1992----meaning I was in the 6th grade. Whoa that was a sucky year... Anyway, the Disturbed video actually reminded me of the movie V for Vendetta a little.

Cool site that I found this week: Think Exist. There are tons of great quotes, even a few obscure ones to check out. Check out the find your birthday feature to see who shares your B-day. I really liked finding out that I have the same birthday as Jimi Hendrix, Bill Nye the science guy, and Bruce Lee. I used it to find some quotes for a couple papers.

I found a book that my Mom needs to read. She will agree. Seriously Ma, check it out.

I also found out about a really cool program that will hopefully pay for me to go to Turkey this coming summer to learn Turkish! I'm really excited about the prospect of actually getting to go, even though I think it will be pretty competitive to get in. They only send 10 people a year, so it would be pretty prestigious. It will also depend on whether we (read: the US) still think that Turkish is a "critical language," but I'm betting it will be if for no other reason than their geographic position. Maybe I should start studying on my own. We'll see how that goes.

As an aside: I find it hilarious that when I do a google image search for Turkish, that this French painting comes up first.

All of this is really part of my plan to get back to Berlin, so we'll see how it goes. I found some fun stuff about Germany too. The difference between German & American girls---I've also seen this same picture used for French girls & European girls in general too. Also, I found this hilarious book for Germans. In case you don't speak German, it is called, "Just Say Hello! How you can move about confidently in society and establish contacts." Yes, this is a social networking advice book, and yes this makes me laugh so hard. I just have this picture in my head of a stiff German business-man trying to figure out how to communicate effectively and not be a social moron. It is just this silly stereo-type I have stuck in my head.

Silly me! Just a little fun!

Hilarious or hideous?

2006-09-26T13:07:00.000-04:00

Well, I think a bit of both actually.
Check out this link that my friend Tyna sent me.
Make sure to look at the numbers boasted by these people, and the ads at the bottom.
I laughed on the outside for sure.
I'm also weeping on the inside knowing that people seriously believe this stuff.
Scary, and interesting.
Have there been any Anthropological studies on extreme Christianity? Just wondering.

Little boxes...

2006-09-24T20:17:00.000-04:00

I forgot to write about my shopping experience last week, and it is soo worth writing about!

So I wanted to find an H&M. Yes, I do so love that store, which is super-duper politically incorrect of me, but that is that. They have some great stylish affordable clothes, and until I start bringing in some dough that's my spot. Andy did a little searching for me, and found one H&M in Westlake. Granted Westlake is about a 25 minute drive from where we live, but that really isn't all that unusual anyway. I printed out directions, hopped in my little Civic, and sped right over for some shopping satisfaction. Little did I know what I was in for.

The H&M in Westlake happens to be in Crocker Park. (Follow that link and check out the pictures.) This place scared the be-jesus out of me. I found a parking spot right on the street, but was immediately confused and astounded at what my eyes did behold. Somehow some idiot developer had the audacity to design an outdoor mall of sorts that looks somewhat European with the proximity of all the buildings and their fascades, but is full of upscale stores & restaurants. Perhaps that is your idea of fun, but it was quite honestly too much commerce for me. I couldn't help but call Andy frightened to beg, "Help me! I'm trapped in an affluenza infested exurb!!" It was sick! I did go shop at H&M, and found a couple cute things while trying very hard the entire time not to vomit on some of the other patrons. I'm sorry, but I can't stand perusing racks next to some chick who is talking on her cell phone loud enough for the entire store to hear her, stinking of some ridiculously expensive perfume, and wearing an inch of makeup on her face! This just disgusts me in so many way that I can't exactly enunciate right now.

When I talked to my friend Stefanie about it the next day, she recounted to me that she thought the same thing about Legacy Village. This is one of those shopping centers that is close to where we live. Upon seeing this spot for the first time, the only way I could think to describe it was "Commerce on Crack." I could not deal with it at all. It just weirds me out. What is the deal here? I swear that there are soo many outdoor"mall" areas here in Cleveland (aka: land of SERIOUS winter). Don't you people want to stay warm when you are shopping? Not that I'm complaining about the lack of malls---God knows we don't need any more of THOSE!

All of this made me think of one of my favorite shows on TV now: Weeds. Follow the link and listen to the theme song "Little Boxes." I really dig the original by Malvina Reynolds, but Elvis Costello never disappoints. Maybe the lyrics will put a little smile on your face today. Always do mine!

****As a side note: Upon further consideration, I'm beginning to wonder why these places have websites. Seriously, and they are really nice ones too. The Legacy Village one even has it's own song.****

Point to Ponder: Are we what we consume? Do you vote with your dollar? And if so, what are you voting for? Just some things to think about. I know they will make Tyna smile!

Do I look like Indiana Jones?

2006-09-23T19:22:00.000-04:00

I seriously hate that any time I happen to mention that I'm studying Anthropology, people always assume that I'm going in search of Noah's Ark. Just because I want to learn Turkish doesn't mean that I want to climb Mt Ararat looking for bits of physical proof that the Bible is true. Ummm, I don't think so!

For the record, Archaeology is one of 4 branches of Anthropology. Not all Anthropologists dig up bones, but all Archaeologists are Anthropologists. Amazing & baffling, I know. While I do so wish that all Anthropologists were as handsome and dashing as Indiana Jones, it is unfortunately only sometimes the case. We are a really fun group of people if nothing else though! Hello Participant-Observation! What did you say? Is it part of your culture to sit around a table and pound some pints? Take me with you! Only teasing---sort of.

I am studying Medical Anthropology, and I would be happy to tell you about it if you are interested. Please please please stop asking me about digging up artifacts. Check out the Society for Medical Anthropology if you want to find out more. I will be talking to real live people---& I like it that way!!

Who's the poorest now?

2006-09-19T21:44:00.000-04:00

On Monday in my International Health class the professor sited a statistic that made my ears perk up and say HUH. She read in the Plain Dealer that Bloomington, IN was the most poverty stricken town in the USA. WHAT?!?! Anyone who has ever been to been to ANY bar on a weekend in Bloomington knows that it simply cannot be true. Oh wait, unless they have started handing out sorostitute clothes, Louis Vitton bags, Prada glasses, and lip gloss at the homeless shelters here---or are those things subsidized by welfare? Seriously, this just made me laugh at the gross oversight which is made possible by statistics. (This thought could also be a product of my extreme frustration with my stats class at the moment, but that is for another time.) Bloomington is filled with giggling sorority girls with their hair put up oh so carefully into messy ponytails and frat boys driving their SUVs wearing polo shirts with popped collars and jeans which were strategically ripped before purchase. Bloomington was a great town where I did happen to live, feel old, & be poor, but students bringing down the poverty rate I don't buy. If anything the average income should have risen significantly since Andy and I moved away.

My other favorite B-town news of late was that the GLBT community successfully got the Buju Banton show at the Bluebird cancelled! Rock on guys! Did they really think that they could sneak a homophobic jackass into Bloomington? Uh, duh! What were they thinking?

Exciting things in my life: today I got nominated to be the Anthro senator to the Graduate Student Senate. I think I got the job because nobody else wanted it, but I think it could be interesting. We'll see what's up when I go to my first meeting on Thursday. I'm trying to get most of my paper for a class finished so that I can go to the winery this weekend. We'll see how it goes though. I will probably be convinced by a handsome Melch to go no matter what though.

One last thing: I saw an article in the NY Times today about this really cool photography exhibition. I would check it out if I was there---hint hint grad/law school friends who live in NYC & might need a break.

Tick Tock

2006-09-18T22:41:00.000-04:00

What is going on with my whole biological clock issue? Seriously? I never even heard that damned thing until the past year, and now I swear that it is getting louder. So, yes I was born the same year as the very first test-tube baby, and yes technology is a marvelous thing. If technology can come up with a way to predict the biological clock and to beat it, than why can't they shut the thing up? And what is going on with this book claiming to have the answers for ALL women about their biological clock? Maybe it was just our two lectures from the new professor who happens to be 7 months pregnant as well that really set me off. Thank goodness she is on leave this year, so I only got to be reminded of that tick-tock for one week instead of many.
I have a new-found respect for the plight of Captain Hook!

Cleveland=Pepe heaven!

2006-09-16T10:44:00.000-04:00

Who knew that Cleveland,Ohio is where Pepe le Pew should have been all along? The other night I turned on the fan in the kitchen and my nostrils were unfortunately filled with the vile musk of some pissed off skunk in our area. (Apparently you can smell them for a 3 mile radius after they spray.) I had no idea there were so many skunks around here. Of course once I mentioned it to Andy he said, "Oh yeah, I used to see like 4-5 every night on my drive home from work." Seriously? I wonder what it is.
I really wasn't a believer until last night. I went to a party filled with Anthropology grad students (as we do travel in herds you know). We drank lots of wine & had great conversations---all in all a great time. Andy came to pick me up around 2am. We are cruising down Cedar Ave. (Which is a pretty major 4 lane road here), until all of the sudden I see a waddling rodent headed straight under our tires. ICK! Seriously, our car stinks so bad now.

I HATE hitting animals with the car. It always reminds me of two incidents. One was when I was 15 and just learning to drive with my mom. I tried to hit the brakes and miss the raccoon that was in my path, but it was inevitable. I cried---and my brother laughed so hard at me that day. Hmm, somehow Justin has always been in the car with me. Anyway, the other time is a bit more funny. I was driving in the car with my brother & his best friend on the way back home from Indianapolis. We are driving on I-465 when all of the sudden a car quite a ways in front of us swerves to miss something that is laying in the road. Well, I wasn't so lucky and drove right over the dead deer carcus that was in my path. Apparently someone had hit the poor animal a while before, and it was being further squashed underneath passing vehicles until it eventually made it's way to the side of the road. The next morning we woke up to every single dog in the neighborhood sniffing the putrid stench that was the underneath of our car! Double ICK!

So back to the skunk issue. I think that they are interesting, but apparently not as interesting as some people think. Who knew that people take them as pets? Most just want to get rid of them! Others think that the stink smells distinctly like some other kind of skunk.
Poor Pepe le Pew---being forced to not only be a loathesome stinker, but also being forced to play out the worst French stereotypes EVER!

I will definitely be on the lookout now---if for no other sake than our poor car's!

Check it out!

2006-09-15T13:28:00.000-04:00

Check out my profile on the Case Anthropology Website!
Soo exciting!
Andy got an interview at a publishing place for a typesetter position, so keep your fingers crossed for him.
:-)

2006-09-13T08:47:00.000-04:00

It has been too long since my last post, but I blame grad school. I'm trying to get my routine set so that I can get everything done and still have time for a bit of fun. I've also been catching up a bit since I didn't get hardly any work done this past weekend---for good reason. I was having too much fun visiting family to work. I think I have my priorities straight there!

Exciting things I've been reading about: Hybrid cars. I really thought they were more expensive---shows what I know. BMW has now come out with a 7-series that runs on Hydrogen. While I think this is a GREAT step in the right direction; it really needs to be a bigger one. We need an affordable car that is environmentally viable, so that normal people can afford it. NO, scratch that, so that EVERYONE can afford it! We should all try to be a little more green!

It seems that at least someone has the idea about affordability when it comes to necessities!
Kudos to Stephon Marbury for putting out a shoe that people won't get mugged for!
Maybe this is the beginning of the end of the Affluenza epidemic in this country.
Who knows?!?!

News on the personal front: Today is the Case for Community Day, which is such a cool idea. I LOVE IT! I've been looking for ways that I would like to get more involved both on campus and in the community here in Cleveland. I've almost decided to be the Anthropology representative to the Graduate Student Senate. Could be fun. I think that I am also going to get certified to be an HIV counselor at The Free Clinic. What do you think? Good idea? Sounds right up my alley!

Melch---Die Melchiors---Melchior---etc

2006-09-05T19:40:00.000-04:00

This was part of a grocery store ad that came in the mail today. It made me think of Nina who always called Andy Melch & me Mrs. Melch. :-)

This of course reminded me that someone once told me about a TV series in Germany in the 80s called "Die [The] Melchiors." (Click here if you want to get a really rough translation of that page.) I was also reminded that Melchior was one of the three wise men. Melchior means "king" in Polish.

There are several sites for Melchs on the internet. One is a family site in both English & German with lots of pictures. Plenty of family sites out there, including our own which is in desperate need of updating. I keep harassing Andy about it. Andy also has a page all to himself with several of his art pieces on it (also in need of updating).

All in all I found a bunch of sites mostly in English, but many in German & Danish too. Maybe this stuff is only interesting to me though.

School is going well. I'm slowly realizing that I really AM going to have my head in a book for the next few years. I'm lobbying for a more comfortable reading chair!
My Statistics teacher was a bit off-putting today. He asked if any of us had questions about the homework, and I raised my hand. I asked the question that several of us had discussed and come to no conclusion on before class---so I wasn't the only one wanting to know the answer. The teacher (not a prof!) looked at me like I was an idiot and promptly asked, "What, do you want me to just give you the answer to your homework?" Naturally I retorted, "Uh, NO, I don't expect you to give me the answer," of course wishing all the while afterwards that I had added, "but I do expect you to clearly outline your expectations in a manner which I might be able to ascertain how it is you would like the answer formulated." Maybe not the best way to start the semester. What was he expecting? Nobody asked ANY more questions after that. Can you blame us? Thank God one of the AIs is a friendly Anthro grad student, because I surely won't be asking HIM any more questions this semester! WHAT A CHODE!!!
Back to the reading grind.

This is gonna be interesting.

2006-09-02T10:30:00.000-04:00

Well, I did it. I survived my first week of graduate school. I think I'm going to like it here. I'm already settling into a bit of a routine: Watch the Daily Show. Go to bed. Wake up 7am~ish. Check my e-mail. Read blog about health care. Get ready. Ride the bus to campus. Study Study Study. Sounds exciting doesn't it. All of the other grad students, new & old, seem to be really great. We all went out to the Winking Lizard on Thursday night and I found out that one of the 2nd year students actually knows Dr. Phillips (who just happens to be the entire reason that I wanted to study Anthropology). I am still finding my way around the campus, but after several meetings & receptions I am feeling much more at home in the department. There really seems to be a great comradery among the grad students here, and all the older students seem really approachable too.

I've also learned some more interesting stuff about Cleveland. Apparently Cleveland has again been found to be the poorest big city in the US. I didn't actually find this very surprising from the looks of things just driving about town. Cleveland also happens to sit in a little pocket of blue in a whole sea of red. Also, not that surprising since I come from the strong hold red state next door. I didn't know that Rockefeller was from here either (or that he was the one who financed the first accredited medical schools in the US).

I found a couple really cool free papers here--gotta love the big city. They have all the funny singles ads in the back, which are great entertainment while waiting for the bus. I did read one disturbing article about the online anorexic community. Wow, was that scary. I may not be taking the bus as much though now, because Andy found me a bike! It is a brown 1960s Raleigh 3-speed with a basket on the front. I LOVE IT!!!! Check out this picture of one like it. Sooo, today if it doesn't rain on us, we're going on a bike ride. I plan to spend the evening organizing my study space and getting a jump start on my reading for next week. We do actually have Monday off too---a luxury I never got at IU. I think I'm just going to let my dork flag fly high here! I really want to do well, and I better considering what we're paying for this degree! :-P

Amazed & Anxious

2006-08-28T11:09:00.000-04:00

I hung out with some neighbors yesterday, and had a really great time. Too bad Andy was at work and had to miss the cops showing up. Hmm, the average age at this shindig was probably 40 & it was 8:45 when 3 cop cars showed up. I don't understand people who would sooner call the cops than be civil and just come ask that the music be turned down. All in all, beer pong on the front lawn and dancing on the porch was loads of fun, and I definitely feel more comfortable here in the neighborhood now that I've met some of my very cool neighbors.

I also watched a very cool movie yesterday called "The Corporation." I learned so much, and am now more than ever afraid of Milk. I learned that corporations are treated as people under the law because of some fast talking lawyers who saw the opportunity in the 14th Amendment. (BTW: That's the amendment which was written after the civil war to help African-Americans not be deprived of land or liberty. Interesting isn't it!) Anyway, I HIGHLY recommend the movie to anyone who has a brain and likes to think for themselves. Try it. You just might like it.

I'm super anxious today! It is my first day of grad school. I think it wouldn't be so bad except for the fact that I have yet to be issued a username at Case so I can't check my most likely rapidly filling e-mail account there as well as the online "blackboard" where announcements for class & readings are posted. Ahhhh!!! OK, so I guess I should chill. I can't be the only one in this boat. Right? I'll be fine. I did find a great article about grad students for all those out there. Enjoy. Bis bald.

upon further investigation...

2006-08-26T10:40:00.000-04:00

Today is the anniversary of women's suffrage! That is cause for celebration!! To celebrate I'm going to register to vote in Ohio today, or at least figure out how to.

Upon further investigation into the city, we have found several new favorite spots. There is the West Side Market that looks so much like the market near my apartment in Berlin it is not even funny. You can haggle for vegetables and find awesome cheese & olives & much much more. We also were told about this great Oriental Market. They had all my favorite Japanese candy and even some live tilapia to pick from the tank (not that I would eat it, but it was still neat). The awesome little Italian market Gallucci's was fun too. They have a huge selection of all things Italian, and even some homemade stuff to take with you like pizza dough, tiramisu, and an entire Italian deli counter. The ultimate in Cleveland is yet to be seen though, but I'm sure that we will find some of it at the Taste of Cleveland next weekend. Should be fun.

Yesterday I went to the MPH office to meet with the advisor and I ended up meeting another girl from my program who was very cool. She is on funding & I'm not, and it was quite interesting for us to compare notes yesterday. We both actually got completely different run downs of what we should do as far as classes and planning go. The whole conversation kinda gave me a bad feeling about being here, but it should pass. Besides, if I really hate it in the program, I'll only stay for 3 years, get my MPH & MA, and get out. Simple as that. There really is no point in getting upset about it right now before I even have a chance to see it out. I will be seriously stepping up the search for money though! Wow is Case expensive!
Tonight I'm going to a BBQ gathering of Anthro grad students--old & new. Should be fun.

What have I gotten myself into?

2006-08-25T10:17:00.000-04:00

I seem to be saying this sentence to myself quite a bit lately. Wednesday I had new graduate student orientation. It was a 4 hour extravaganza of information about the campus that I actually found informative and interesting for the most part. I learned that there are more graduate students here at Case then there are undergraduates. I thought that was interesting. The other cool thing I learned about was the Graduate Student Senate. They look out for our interests on campus, and it seems like they do an awful lot. They've even organized a community service day once a month for all the grad students. I like that. Perhaps that is my avenue to get involved. We'll see.

I also met with my advisor on Wednesday, and instead of setting me more at ease the meeting actually made me more nervous. I'm not sure why. It was just a strange encounter---not that she was mean at all, more just a bit stand-offish. We'll see how that goes. I still have to meet with coordinator for the MPH program before I register, but that shouldn't be a problem. I have to trek down there today anyway for yet another orientation. Did I mention that I have 2 more after this one?!?! Seriously!

Yesterday we went to Cedar Point!! We got to have breakfast with an old OG friend from Bloomington who is working at the park for the summer. It was so great to see a familiar face---other than Andy, and Jason was soo awesome. He hooked us up with some free passes, which was waaaay cool. That saved us $80! Being such the rollercoaster officianado, I knew that I was going to LOVE the park. I think it was the most fun that I have had in a very long time. My favorite was the Top Thrill Dragster! (Check out the POV video if you go to the link.) As we were boarding the coaster and I glanced at the tracks before me, I once again found myself asking the question: What have I gotten myself into? It shoots you like a slingshot 120 mph 420 ft straight into the sky while twisting, and then you come straight back down while twisting again. It was AMAZING. So much so that we waited in line twice! The day also proved to be a bit of an ego boost too. I always seem to think that I am fat, until I am in the presence of real fat Americans. That little self-esteem reality check was nice, for sure.

Classes start Monday, and I couldn't be more excited/nervous/hopeful. Indeed, what HAVE I gotten myself into? One of the older grad students is having a get together this weekend at her place, so I think I will give it a go at trying to meet some friendly faces here. Sadly, Andy can't go because of work. I really wish he could find a job with daytime hours so that we could see more of each other! Example: today he rushed off to his website updating job at 8:15. He'll get back from that job at 1:45 or so, and I will already be at orientation. After I run around campus getting things straightened out with registration and ID cards and so on, I will probably get home around 5 or so. He will already be at the OG working. So sad. :-( I know that it will make me appreciate him all the more, but I really do miss spending time with him now.

Sex & Relationships--a different perspective

2006-08-16T14:31:00.000-04:00

I have been perfecting my art of time-suckage as of late. I've experimented in the kitchen, watched illegal cable tv, exercised, and cruised the internet until my hearts content this week. Too bad it's only Wednesday. My couch is even starting to get the imprint of my butt in one cushion. Thank God school is starting soon!

One thing I found this week, was a new podcast to listen to: Sex With Emily. The show is great! She talks about all kinds of sex issues & ideas, and I've really enjoyed catching up on some of her old shows. I really have only one problem with the whole thing. Emily seems to consistantly chat up her guests with her opinion about marriage. She happens to believe that it is an epidemic. She always seems to save this opinion until she is in the company of like minded individuals--in the studio that is. Emily seems to fall into that category of people that because they don't want something for their life, they don't think it could possibly be right for anyone else. Monogomy=Monotony according to this thought process.

Some people (including some of my friends) are into polyamory as an alternative to both monogamy and serial monogamy. That always put a vision of a huge orgy in MY mind. Yes, maybe that is right for them, and if they can keep up with many relationships at once; then I say go for it. No, seriously! It all just seems too complicated for me. Then of course there is the swinger set---and again, not for me, but no judgement. Swingers not only give me the orgy thought, but also the old/fat/hairy couple thought. I might have gotten into that sort of thing if I thought I would end up in a Hugh Jackman/Catherine Zeta-Jones sandwich. However, that just isn't the reality. The reality reminds me of the FKK beaches in Germany---and trust me, most of the naked people there were not a pretty site.

I do not find any of those lifestyles offensive--as long as my husband isn't doing something like that behind my back. I believe in open & honest communication between partners---especially in a committed & serious relationship. I also firmly believe in "live & let live," as well as "judge not lest ye be judged." I don't try to force my married/monogomous relationship on anyone, and wouldn't condone it for anyone who has reservations about such a thing. If I can do that, then why can't Emily just be accepting of my choices too. It is unrealistic to think that everyone wants the same things in life, or that the same thing will work for everyone. That just isn't how the world works. For a woman so open to trying to understand sexual differences, Emily sure seems a little closed when it comes to the "normal" way. Maybe she only feels that her choices are validated when she belittles the others. Maybe she's not so sure about hers.

A foray into the city.

2006-08-14T09:33:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was our date night. Yes, we still have date night--or at least try to have one once a week. It is this little tradition we started when we got married, and I've come to look forward to date night. Although, I have to say that I do get a little jealous when Andy likes to detract from our date night because some of his cronies on Everquest "are doing this raid that they've never tried before and really need" him. Hmmm, maybe the next time he really wants to spend time with me, I could conveniently be needed by my imaginary friends too. (To be fair: He really did spend the whole evening with me yesterday after his 5 hour trek into Evercrack-land. I just feel a little hurt sometimes thinking that he would prefer to play that game rather than hang out with me!) Anyway, back to date night. We planned to go down to Little Italy, which is this oh so adorable section of town right near the Case campus full of art galleries & Italian restaurants. We parked the car in a half permit parking lot and walked the 6 blocks or so down this huge hill to the street festival that was going on. Apparently they were celebrating the Feast of the Assumption---which I didn't even know what it was until today when I looked it up. Basically, it was some Catholic thing that I'd never heard of---although there are plenty of those!

I'm not, nor have I ever been Catholic. My parents were both "recovering" Catholics when I was growing up, and my husband's family is all VERY Catholic (ie: go to mass 4-7 times a week). I am currently between religions, but am very open at this point. The only church I EVER enjoyed going to was the Unitarian one in Bloomington. I just don't feel that as necessary in my life right now. Anyway, I digress. When I found out what the feast was for, all I could think of was my mom saying "our lady of the bathtub" whenever we passed a house in KY with one of those ridiculous statue things in the front yard. (Sorry that picture's so small.)

The festival was fun, but felt a bit like pandemonium because of how crowded it was. I get a little anxious being in that big of a crowd, and couldn't even get up the nerve to eat my greasy food favorite: FUNNEL CAKE!!! I really have to get used to living in a big city again!! We walked around a bit, checking out the scene, and then I was over it. I really don't know what my deal was. Maybe it was just too crowded, or maybe I just wanted to spend some alone time with Andy. I didn't even want to ride the Ferris Wheel. I'm weird.

On the way home we meandered through the neighborhood taking our time. We did find a gem of a spot really close here though. The Cedar-Lee Theatre looks like it could be really interesting, and it is only about 4 blocks from our apartment. Their concession stand even sells alcohol! Whoa!

I should also mention our newfound excitement over the fact that we can now buy alcohol on Sunday!!! Yes that's right IN folk, it is perfectly legal to purchase alcohol at any store on Sunday--not just at wineries! Being a native hoosier, this was a big shock to me!

One more small funny story before I go: Andy is no longer in charge of purchasing alcohol for this house! Seriously! There is the story about him buying "alkohol-freies" Bier in Berlin--but at least there he had the language excuse. Saturday, Andy bought some whiskey at CVS, and when we went to drink it yesterday, he realized that it was diluted whiskey! I didn't even know they sold that kind of thing! Now at least he will be a little more careful to read the labels before he pays $9.99 for a bottle of whiskey!

Of Babies & Growing Up

2006-08-11T19:36:00.000-04:00

Babies. Sometimes it seems like they are all around me. I've especially noticed not just babies, but kids in general since we moved up here. Ahhh, the perks of living in a town where the average age isn't 22! It seems that we have reached that ubiquitous age when all of our friends are either getting married or having babies. Some of my friends even have this so called "baby fever" where they have this seemingly uncontrollable urge to have a baby. While I don't think that I fall into that category yet, I definitely have been thinking about it more lately. Perhaps this is because in only a few short months I will be turning 28, which is the age that my mother has always (jokingly of course) said that I have to have a baby. [There really is a strange occurance going on in my family with women having babies at 28 and the corresponding aunt/sister/cousin whatever being the same difference in age because of it.]

There really are so many issues that I think of when contemplating the whole motherhood thing. There are social justice issues, like the fact that it is perfectly legal for a potential employer to ask you if you have children in an interview and to deny you employment or offer you less money if you should say yes. Then there are the environmental issues associated with having children and all the crap that they supposedly "need." I don't buy all that ruckus, and seriously applaud people like my friend Tyna who introduced me to the modern version of cloth diapers and so much more! What about overpopulation? Should I really be contributing to that too? China certainly has been concerned about it for years! OH yes, and then we have the latest trends here in the US of either having labor induced a month or two early so that you don't gain too much weight or scheduling a C-section so that you guarantee that the birth of your child is convenient for you too. Both of those trends I don't find half as disturbing as the article I read today about artificial wombs being the biggest scientific break-through in infertility technology. That really just made me think of The Island--which even if you aren't a sci-fi fan, is worth watching for the ethical contemplations (not to mention Ewan & Scarlett).

This brings me to my next topic: growing up. It seems that some of my friends have decided that in order to be considered grown-ups, they must live in a suburban neighborhood and drive at least 20 minutes to work. While living in a neighborhood where you got to pick 1 model out of 5 which are allowed might work for them, it definitely isn't my idea of happiness. One of my dearest friends even lives in a neighborhood where in order for me to come visit, I have to check in with the guard---and she has to warn him that I'm coming!! Seriously? I don't get it. In fact, the aerial shots of suburbia always remind me a bit of a concentration camp. Then of course I think of the lyrics to the Green Day song "Jesus of Suburbia." I also think about this really amazing book that my friend Susie had called "Material World" where this photographer went to a bunch of countries, found a middle-strata family for each country, and took a picture of the entire family with all of their prized possesions with them next to (or on top of) their house. That book was always a really great reality check, as well as another book that I own called "Portraits." I think it is always good to think about how the world is experienced by others. These are the photographs that I always like to think about if I start feeling sorry for myself. I know that my idea of growing up has never really seemed to fit the prescription that others either want for themselves or want for me. I always thought that you are a grown up when you still want things, but don't have to have them right now. I want to want less. I want to give more. I want to understand my impact, and lessen it. I want to be who I am, and not what other people want me to be or think that I should be. That's my version of grown-up. I can only hope that I will pass that on to my children too!

Yesterday, Today, & Tomorrow.

2006-08-09T08:59:00.001-04:00

I spent yesterday unpacking the pile of boxes in our bedroom and cleaning/straightening up for the arrival of my mother-in-law. No need to cue the dramatic music---my mother-in-law really is a nice person. While she is a very religious woman (and I'm not) and a toned down version of Martha Stewart (her house looks straight out of Better Homes & Gardens), we do still get along. I'm really more of a simple living and Vegetarian Times kind of girl. Of course we still have Andy in common don't we. We are the only 2 women that he has ever lived with; which I think actually may explain a few things about his behaviour and perception of what needs to be done around the house. Anyway, she is here to measure our windows and to take me to the fabric store to pick out material for curtains. She's going to make them for us as a house-warming present. How nice is that? I really am lucky to have such a great mother-in-law. I'll be really sad when Andy's brothers get married and I have to share her!!

[On a side note: I'm not sure when I became a Canadian speller, but for some reason I've started to think this is how this word should look: behaviour. Maybe I read too much Guardian News. I don't know. My spellcheck constantly reminds me otherwise though.]

A little update on the apartment situation: It is getting MUCH better. Yesterday the slob came over to pick up his mail-----note: not to clean the carpet as he has said before! He stayed around and talked my ear off, and then slinked out while I was on the phone saying of course only then that he wasn't sure when he would be back to clean the carpets because they are doing some renovations on their house, but he would be back. OK, so, um, NO! He also kept offering to come back and fix stuff around the apartment. Oh yes, and did I mention that he revealed that he writes for a porn website as his source of income? Hmmm...when I told my mother-in-law that she suggested we check out our apartment for hidden cameras. Whoa--totally would never have thought of that. The locks WILL be changed! So anyway, I relayed all that info to the landlady and she is resolving the situation. A carpet cleaner is coming to see if it really would be possible to clean it. If not, then they will be replacing it ASAP! Hooray!!! The handy man also stopped by and went through the apartment with me to make a list of all the things that we wanted to be fixed. He was very nice, and I have to say that I feel better already.

I'm still going to rant a little bit today though. As I was reading my NY Times online today, I came across an article that sickened me just a little titled: Gas Prices Alter Habits of Many, but Far From All. Of course I really shouldn't have been surprised given the fact that we are a nation of debtors and vain richies! Seriously people, WAKE UP!!! I know that we really HAVE to drive sometimes, but really. There are some cool sites out there where you can find the cheapest gas prices in your area though. Even GM is getting on board with the push for alternative fuels! This all reminded me of a movie trailer I recently saw for a documentary called "Who Killed the Electric Car?" Looks interesting. Isn't it interesting how vanity, greed, and pollution all seem to go hand in hand when it comes to this issue! And to those of you out there driving Hummers: what are you really missing that you think you need to drive that big ass thing to make yourself feel better than everyone else? I just point and laugh when I see those big ridiculous things now!

A little link to make you smile though now: Where the hell is Matt?

Toto, I don't think we're in Bloomington anymore!

2006-08-07T17:18:00.000-04:00

This is my first official blog from Cleveland. We've been here four days now, and we're still adjusting to the shift in location. First let me say that I really do like our apartment. It is really huge and in a quiet & cute neighborhood. I do think that we may have moved in after the world's biggest slob though. Maybe living in the wonderful land of Oz has skewed my perception of how an apartment should look when you move in, but this is a little ridiculous. When we signed the lease, we were told that the carpet was going to be replaced before we moved in. Even when we called to let them know when we would be moving up here, the landlady made a point of again saying that it would be replaced by the time we moved in. She was even concerned that it wouldn't be finished for us because there were only 2 days between the old tenant's move out and our arrival. All my worries about that were quelled when she said that he was moving out unexpectedly 2 weeks early. He moved out in the middle of July---meaning to me that both the slob and the landlords had 2 full weeks before we arrived to get the apartment ready for us. This is NOT what happened.

When we arrived here on Thursday the carpet looked absolutely disgusting, and that wasn't the only thing gross! The slob also didn't clean the bathtub, oven, kitchen floor, refridgerator, or seemingly ANYTHING else. You can imagine how happy we were, especially considering the fact that we had just spent the last 2 days (the hottest of the year) moving our stuff and scrubbing the heck out of our previous abode so that we could get our deposit back!! Of course as soon as we started to find things wrong with the apartment, the list started to grow exponentially---->the sink and bathtub fawcets both drip constantly, there is a depression in our bathtub which makes a really nice little puddle in the center of it constantly, mold on the bathtub caulking, and so on and so forth. When we did call our landlady, she WAS at least nice about the whole situation. She gave us the number of her "handy man" so that we might call him today (Monday) with our litany of complaints, in order that he might take care of them. That was, except for the carpet. She explained that the porch (which is actually the roof of the 1st floor porch) had previously been coated with a tar-like substance. It seems that when it got hot, it melted, and stuck to the shoes of the slob, who then "tracked it all over the carpet." OK, so I believe that is what the slob may have convinced them of, but NO WAY is that true. Even if he had tracked "tar" all over the carpet, he would have had to use a vicious solvent (ie: Gasoline or Turpentine) to get it to come out. If he had, then we definitely could have smelled it when we moved in! Turns out, the landlords paid him $150 to clean the carpet! Seriously!?!? Who gets paid by their landlord to clean their own carpet? Oh yes, and did I mention the wet spots when we moved in? Oh how wonderfully putrid those were! What? Was he cleaning the carpet the day we moved in? According to him, he worked for several days to get the carpet clean for us.

Berber! That is the type of carpet we have. If the jack-ass slob would have just taken the $150 and paid for the fucking carpet to be professionally cleaned, then we would NOT have this problem right now. As it stands now, he is supposedly coming to clean the carpet tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath! He has yet to call and let us know when he is coming, and if he has a key to get in by himself, I will throw a fucking hissy-fit from hell!! I know my fucking rights, and I most assuredly have the right to not be invaded by slobs whenever they fucking feel like it. I don't want to put on the bitch hat, but I'm not afraid to use it when I have to, ok!! Bring it on!!

All of this brings me back to this conversation that Andy and I keep having about war. Yesterday was the anniversary of the first atomic bomb ever being used in warfare. My first Japanese teacher was from Hiroshima, so I always feel this small six degrees of seperation when I read about the tragedy or see pictures. She told us some pretty scary stories. Anyway, the question that I always seem to come back to is this: how do we keep getting convinced by these rich people to go and die for their battles? The entire history of war baffles me! Perhaps part of that is because I grew up with a pacifist/consciencious objector dad who was/is obsessed with watching and reading EVERYTHING about war. I never understood that. One day I actually asked him why, and he said to me, "Know your enemy." I still don't quite understand what he really meant by that. I know enough about stupid rich white guys to know not to trust them---they're motivated by greed, and I just don't operate that way! In fact, I'm most afraid of rich white guys because they have nothing to lose. No seriously, I am AFRAID of them!!!! They are the ones who can do whatever they want and get away with it. I guess the "white" part really isn't even the most important though---rich is the key!

OK, so I'll stop ranting. Really. Yes mom, I'll step off the soapbox.

There's no place like home. There's no place like home. There's no place like home.

Oh shit, where are those damned ruby slippers anyway?!?!

The end of an era.

2006-08-01T10:14:00.000-04:00

Sunday was my last day waiting tables...probably EVER! So long to the OG, and hello to graduate school. Of course we went out with a bang that I will never forget.
First of all we worked a split shift--meaning that we were there from 11am until 9:30pm. The lunch shift was rather uneventful; somewhat busy, but nothing really out of the ordinary. We then sat down for some soup and salad, & came right back on the clock after we finished.

The night shift was quite another story all together. We started out volunteering to take a party of 30, just the two of us. We figured, "why not? It's our last night anyway." The party was pretty typical--except that Andy waited on the one large table of girls who were all on one bill, and I had to take care of the parents who were of course on 8 seperate bills and who wanted to ask a million questions and slow me WAAAY down. So we get them in and out--made about $90 on just them! Then there is a semi-reservation for a 35 @ 6:00. BTW--we don't take reservations! The lobby is filling, and by 6:10 when they haven't shown, we get new tables. So, the night is humming along--VERY busy, but not too shabby for our parts.

Finally we get to my last table. This party of 7 had been waiting for 40 minutes by the time they sat down. They had all obviously been drinking all day on the lake, judgeing by their lobster-like appearance and their somewhat slow/slurred speech. The worst part was that two of them had already ordered their dinner at the bar, and it was delivered as the party was being seated. Seriously, I don't think that I had EVER waited on bigger rednecks--and I live in southern Indiana people!! You couldn't even wait to get seated so that you could order food and eat with your friends???!!! WTF people!?!@? I was of course OVERLY nice to them, and in the end they actually did come through on the tip. But not without running my ass all over hell and back catering to their every whim.

None of my stories can ever come close to the hilarity of the story that Andy trumped mine with on Sunday though. He was getting some wine out of the cooler, and he observed the table next to him. There was a man, a woman, their 12 year-old, and their 4 year-old sitting at the table. Apparently the guy had ordered an entire bottle of wine for himself. His wife was a little pissed and said something to him. He then proceeded to say, "I'll get this fucking bill fucking itemized, pay my fucking portion and fucking be out." The woman then started to cry. The guy then grabbed his cigarettes and said, "Fuck it, I'm goin' to smoke." The 4 year-old then started to cry---as Andy said, "probably because she realized that her parents are white trash!!!
2 days until the big move!!

Good People DO still exist.

2006-07-27T13:45:00.000-04:00

I am admittedly absent-minded. Sometimes I think that I would forget my head if it wasn't attached. Accounts of my forgetfulness abound, and today I added one to them.
I dropped off Andy at work and went to the 7-11 to fill up the gas tank. I filled up the gas, and then realized that I had locked my keys in the car. Super-embarassing, and I didn't know what to do. The gentleman behind me offered me 50cents to call Andy, but it really wouldn't have done much good even if I had gotten a hold of him. The guy was soo nice. When he realized that I was stuck, he offered to give me a ride to the OG to get his key. Seriously, I haven't experienced that sort of kindness in a very long while. Thanks so much Darryl for driving me to the OG and then back to 7-11 to get my car. My day would have been ruined without you. Your Karma should be drastically improved because of your good deed today! You Rock ! Thereby my faith in humanity is partially restored. Maybe there really are more good people than bad.

I've been recently exploring some interesting sites on the web that relate back to the whole good people topic. One is couchsurfing.com. This is where you can offer up your couch and/or find a free couch to stay on for a while. This is seriously amazing stuff---and not all just a bunch of hippies either! I'm really hoping to participate in this great online community that I've just found thanks to a friend of mine. This isn't the only place like that either. You can also trade apartments for a vacation and all sorts of other bartering ideas too. Who knew? We are perusing our new favorite Craig's List for a couch when we move.
Only 7 days until the big move!!